Black Tears

Chapter 4

Timea pov

We just got back to the house and I went to take a shower. After I was done I put my clothes on and met Tamar in her room. She wanted to have a girls night with me and I really didnt want to talk to her but I went anyway.

"So what do you wanna do?" I asked.

"We can watch movies or talk."

"I vote for the movie."

"Cool. Which one?"

"Twist of Faith."

She went to get some snacks and started the movie. I love this movie.

At the end of the movie she cut it off and we started talking.

"So I heard that you have had some ruff nights."

"Not really." I lied.

"Ok. Well its getting late and we have to go to rehearsals in the morning."

"Ok."

"Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

She hugged me and I went back to my room which was right across the hall from her's.

5:46 am
Nightmare

I was sitting at the bottom of the stairs listening to them yell at each other. I never liked it when they did this because in the end mom always got hurt.

When they were done my dad walked out and I ran over to my mom. She was just laying there bleeding. I rolled her over and pulled her into my lap. Her face was unrecognizable. It literally scared me but I didnt care because I actually knew how she was supposed to look.

I seen blood flowing from her body and I couldnt do anything to stop it.

"Mom you got to get up." I said.

She wouldn't move. She just bled faster.

"Get up." I said. My voice cracked and I broke down crying.

"No no no." I said.

The more I talked the faster she bled. I moved her and placed her back on the floor. My clean clothes were now stained with my mother's blood.

I felt some one tap my shoulder but I didnt move. I just cried harder.

Nightmare over.

"T wake up!" Tamar said.

My eyes shot up and I hit my head on the headboard. I hissed in pain. She rubbed my back and gave me some water.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

I just shook my head.

"Do you wanna tell me about it?"

"No." I said lowly.

"Please talk to me."

"I said no." I got up and went to the bathroom. I slashed water on my face and walked back out.

"I just want to help you." she said.

I stopped dead in my tracks. My head shot up in her direction and I went off.

"Help me? You want to help me? You want to help a child who witnessed both of her parents die? You want to help a child that got shot and is supposed to be dead? You want help a child that doesnt have anyone? You cant help me. Im a helpless kid and no matter how much she tries to do better she always gets knocked back. I just wanted to live a great life with my mom but my dad had to be stupid and kill her. Then has the audacity to ask where she is after we burried her. You cant help a child that wishes to be dead. You cant help a child that wanted to be loved by her father. You cant help me because I dont trust you or your sister. I never trusted anyone except my mother and when she died all of my happiness, trust, love, and reason to live died with her! No body can help me! I dont care how much I do for other people, I always receive horrible treatment from them! No matter how much I hurt no one asks me whats wrong or even has the guts to even talk to me! I was eight years old when my mom died right in front of me! Eight! Do you know what it feels like to see you love one die?! No you dont! I got abused everyday for having money or just because I looked like my mom! Do you know what that feels like!? Of course you dont! You get to walk around with your head held high and a smile on your face! You dont have to wonder when you will eat again or if you'll starve again! You dont have to wake up everyday and wonder if you will die because of something you didnt do or do right! You didnt go through any of that! So what if I have nightmares every night! I dont have a reason to have a peaceful night of sleep! I dont have a reason to dream because all of those stopped happening six years ago! I have a reason to have a nightmare! So if you really want to help me you can just leave me alone!"

Tamar pov

I could literally feel her pain right now. She was going on and on and I couldnt say a word. The way she was walking around the room was like she was on fire. Every word hurt my heart.

"I cant do that." I said.

"No body asked you to ask me how I was feeling. No body asked you to help me." she said.

She was just mumbling things under her breath. I think she just needed to let ALL of that out. This is definitly something Toni needs to know.

She was hurting and I didnt know what to do. I didnt know if I should say something or just sit there. I wanted to hug my niece because she needs to know that we love her but the way she was moving around kind of scared me. I know her shoulder was hurting because she was waving her arms all over the place. I dont know what to do.

When I finally got the nerve to say something she ran in the bathroom and locked the door.

"Timea open the door. I just want to-"

"Leave me alone."

And thats what I did. I let her cool off for a while. I just went back to my room and layed down. I couldnt go to sleep. Especially with what she just told me and she wouldnt talk to me.

We still had about an hour until we needed to be up. I made a phone call and Toni came right over.

"Where is she?" she asked.

"In her bathroom."

She turned around and was about to walk upstairs.

"But wait. I think it something you need to know first."

"What is it?"

I told her everything that she said. From the time that she told me that she was fine to the time that she vented to me. Toni looked so worried and breathing harder as I continued. I know my sister and I know when she is upset but I couldn't read her face at all. She just gave me a blank stare.

Toni  pov

After Tamar told me everything she let me go up the stairs. I walked to the bathroom and sat down by the door.

"Hey Timea."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to come out of there and talk to me."

"Talking wont solve anything Toni. It just makes my problems worse."

"Please come out. I want to help you. You know I wont hurt you. I only have good intentions Timea."

A few seconds later I heard the door open and she appeared. She had dried tears all over her face and she looked tired. She looked hurt and she was in so much pain. She walked over to her bed and sat down. I did the same and I just stared at her.

"Timea please talk to me."

"I have said all I could say Toni. There isn't more I can say."

"Well then you can listen to me. I know you want your mother back and trust me, if I could bring her back for you I would, but I cant. I know how much you miss her and I'm not trying to replace her. I would never try to take her place. I understand that your father killed your mom and never paid the price for it but now he is gone. He is paying for it know. You couldn't have did anything to stop it from happening. You were a child and there was nothing that you could've done."

"I could've did something to help her."

"You were eight years old Timea. I know you just want be with your mom but she is gone now. I can help you over come your fear and finally get closure with your mom and dad. All I want to do is help you. I want you to have peaceful sleep at night and I want you to live a peaceful life. I know that you went through a lot as a child but I'm going to change that. No matter what the courts say  im going to conti ur to help you. You were sent to me for a reason and it was for me to help you. I love you and i always will. I want you to smile and be a happy kid but you have to get passed all of this first."

She was crying at this point. I moved closer to her and hugged her super tight. She did the same. We hugged until she calmed down. When she was finished she cleaned her face. She  still looked very hurt like she never told anyone that before. She is still hurt and there's nothing I can do to change that.