I have reigned them in and shadows dispersed.
But only for a moment before they joined in again in a reform line down my spine.
Holding me upright, tugging on my teeth to force out whisper.
And they're waiting for that door to open.
They've come for blood. They've come to combat.
And there forms of torture do not require a blade or a gun.
Just one whisper dropped into the pits of my stream of consciousness and they watch it multiply
Slowly they add hatred and uncertainty for flavor. I watch them merge and I can no longer decipher.
All I know is that they've come without invitation. They need not a key or a code.
They were formed for me since birth.
I was told that not only was my birth difficult and painful. But I cried and cried and cried and cried.
Hours and days.
My mother told me she was afraid social services would call because of how loud I would cry and scream.
Now I realize that even in the womb, the shadows tantalized my spirit.
Scaring me back into the comfort of my mothers womb, fighting to say away and weeping once I inhaled hells air.
I wept just as I do now.
I'm careful to not exhaust my extremities and my aura but it seeps from me like sweat.
How would I tarnish a home I was invited to?
The door was unlocked for me to open through and yet here I stand with the keys tangled in my fingers.
To the mothers who fathered mothers.
To the friend who became the lover and the friend again.
Don't bare your home to me with hopes of retribution. Don't offer an attacker into your safe haven.
Once a warning. And will always remain as one.
I refuse to let my selfish desires cloud my common sense.
This was a home my shadows are strangers to. I'll continue to let them walk past obliviously. Even when curiosity rings the doorbell, please retreat to your mothers womb with nobility.
Rush towards the green hills and turning leaves all but so slyly.
And let the heavens open their arms mercifully.
To a child with no home and a habit to succumb to hopelessness.
How close are you listening?
