Gone The Story of an Addict

Chapter Two: The P Word

It was almost four. I knew I would have to leave soon and face the fact that I wasn't having a bad trip. I was in reality now and it was still happening. Everyone walked by me giving me sympathetic looks. I felt like I was about to walk home to my death. Isn't this supposed to be a happy thing? 

"Aaron sweetheart are you okay?" Selma asked as she handed me my paycheck. 

"Yeah, just a little shocked I guess." 

"It'll be okay. Don't think of it as a bad thing. Think of it as a way to get yourself out of the mess your in."

I looked at her wondering how much she really knew. How much had CeCe told her? 

"Go home and talk to her baby, I'm sure everything will be alright." She smiled before walking off. 

I opened my envelope to put my money in my wallet. I noticed there was a few extra twenties. I shouldn't have made this much I missed a few days this week. Amelia entered as I was counting the money again to double check. It was definitely too much. 

"Don't bother trying to find Selma. She just left." Amelia said emptying another plate into the trash can. 

"She gave me too much." 

"If she gave you more then it was for a reason. Don't worry about it. She does it to all of us from time to time." Amelia said blankly. "Have you talked to Cecelia yet?"

"How long did everyone know?" 

"Selma has known for a while. She caught Cecelia running to the bathroom one too many times. I've only know for a couple days. I don't think everyone knows yet though." 

"How did you find out?" 

"I overhead her talking to Selma about telling you." 

I sighed. 

"I'm sorry you found out in such a crappy way. Try not to be to mad at Cecelia she's been a nervous wreck ever since she found out." 

"How am I not supposed to be mad? She should have told me."

"I think she was trying to decide what to do before saying anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Have the baby, put it up for adoption, or..."

My eye's grew wide with shock. She couldn't do that. Not without talking to me first right? What if that's why she was so upset this morning. A wave of sadness and anger shot through my body. 

"Did she decide? Do you know?" I asked talking to fast for even me to understand. 

"I don't know. Her and I don't talk much." She said with a worried look on her face. 

"I've got to go." 

I threw my apron off, not bothering to hang it up and took off running. I didn't care about all the stares I got. I didn't care that I looked like I just robbed the place. I had to get home before she tried to do something. This was supposed to be our new beginning. Our fresh start. She couldn't do this. 

My mind went through a million questions. A million different scenarios. Was she going to tell me when I got home? Would she even be there?

What is she wasn't, would she leave a note?

Why didn't she just tell me?

What if she's already done it? What if that's why she wasn't feeling good?

Do abortions hurt? 

How do abortions even work? 

I couldn't stop my mind. I couldn't stop the questions. All I could do is run as fast as I could to get to her. The closer I came to the house the more petrified I became. 

Did I want this to be real? Could I be a good dad? Do I even know how to raise a kid? 

I could feel my heart racing. Everything, including me, was moving too fast right now.

I stopped halfway to my house. What was I going to do? I didn't want to yell if she had done it but I don't want to seem happy either. And what if she didn't do it? What if she decided she was going to have this baby? How was I supposed to react to that? Should I be happy? Was she happy?

She didn't seem happy this morning. What if she hated me now? What if she blamed me? 

She couldn't possibly blame me. She was a part of it too. 

I couldn't take it anymore. I walked over to the side of the dumpster in the alley next to me and started puking. My nerves were completely shot. I couldn't control it. I just kept emptying my stomach until I started dry heaving. 

Once I finally stopped and caught my breathe I took a moment to clear my mind. If I saw CeCe with my mind in shambles I would never be able to talk to her. And we really needed to talk. 

I walked the rest of the way home slowly. Letting the impending night air flow gently through my lungs. I treated this like a panic attack. I did every calming exercise I knew until I reached the front door. I felt the same feelings I felt when CeCe and I had stood in the front of Ann and Michael's house. 

We both knew we we're in trouble. 

I finally got the nerve to walk through the door. I slowly walked into the living room where our housemates were sitting. The nervousness had rose in my stomach again. 

"Where's CeCe?" I asked.

"She's been in your room all afternoon she said she wasn't feeling well." Nate answered. 

"Thanks man."

I walked to our room stopping in front of the door. I had to do this now. I couldn't keep trying to hide the truth from myself. 

I opened the door to see her laying on the bed staring at the wall. I was suddenly at a loss for words. This girl was still as beautiful as the day I met her and now she had this amazing glow radiating off her skin. She looked like the angel I always thought I saw. 

Nothing matter to me anymore in this moment. All I could do was climb into the bed beside her and wrap my arms around her. 

"We're in this together." I whispered in her ear before laying my head down behind hers. 

"I couldn't do it." She whispered back.