Gone The Story of an Addict

Chapter Three: Rock a Bye Baby

We both fell asleep without another word. When we woke up I could feel the tension in the room. Neither of us wanted to talk about it but I knew we needed too. I sat on one side of the bed while CeCe sat on the other. We couldn't look at each other. 

Why were we turning into people who can't talk? We had finally gotten to the point of telling each other everything. Big or small. And now we're just sitting and staring at the wall. 

"I'm sorry." CeCe said finally breaking the silence. "I should have told you when I found out. I shouldn't have kept it from you."

"How long did you know?" I asked without looking at her. 

"A couple weeks."

We fell back into a silence. I was angry with her but I didn't want to be. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to say this would all be okay. But how could it be? She couldn't even tell me. She tried to make it disappear before I found out. She didn't want me to know. It made me wonder what other secrets she was keeping. 

Without speaking I got up and walked over to her side table, opening the top drawer and pulling out a joint. I didn't even look at her before lighting it. 

"Do you hate me?" She whispered to the floor. 

I took a few puffs for the joint and passed it to her. She looked up at me and took the joint. I walked back to my side of the bed and laid down staring at the ceiling. 

"Please talk to me Aaron."

"Why should I? You didn't feel the need to talk to me." 

"I made a mistake." 

"We made a mistake."

I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that I shouldn't have said them. They had only confirmed her fears. Her reasons for not telling me. But I couldn't stop the anger from seeping through my skin. I couldn't force myself to be happy about the situation. I couldn't do anything in this moment. 

"That's why I didn't tell you."

"I didn't mean it that way." 

"Then how did you mean it Aaron? Cause it sure sounded like you want no part of this. Like it's something you want to make disappear." 

I finally turned to look at her. I wanted to see her eyes. I wanted to see if she was really telling me the truth. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked and she wouldn't turn around. "Look at me CeCe." 

She turned around with tears in her eyes. 

"I was scared. I was petrified that you didn't want it. I was scared you wouldn't want me anymore." 

"Why would you think that?" 

"It's not exactly something anyone wants at our age. Just look at our parents." 

"I'm not my parents." I said angrily standing up. 

"I didn't mean it that way." She said repeating my words back to me. 

I sighed. We couldn't carry on like this. We had to stop this argument before it got any worse. 

"What are we going to do?"

"We can't have a baby Aaron." She said blankly. 

"Why not?" 

"Look around. Look how we live." She said taking a hit from the joint.

I took the joint from her and put it out in the ashtray. 

"We can change this." 

"Did you get the d's from Mason?" 

"Don't change the subject. Stop trying to avoid any situation in your life that is the tiniest bit hard."

"I'm not trying to avoid it."

"You tried to have an abortion how are you not trying to avoid it?"

She bowed her head in defeat. 

" I love you CeCe." I said before kissing her on the forehead. 

I started out the door when she looked up.

"Where are you going?" 

"I'm going to Mason's I'll be back in a little bit." I said before walking out of the room. 

I felt bad for leaving the conversation where I did but I had to get some air. I needed to think clearly about the entire situation. I felt like CeCe was hiding more than she was telling me. I understood why she was scared, I was scared too. But I couldn't shake the feeling that her fear was coming from something totally different. Something deeper inside her soul. 

I finally reached Mason's house and knocked on the door. 

"Yo Aaron long time no see." He said answering the door. "Where's CeCe I never see y'all apart from each other." 

"We just needed some space." I replied following him into the house. "What do you have today?"

"What do you need? I just met a new connect so I can get pretty much anything now."

"You got anything that's safe for someone whose pregnant?"

"Whose pregnant?"

I looked at him giving it a minute to register.

"Oh shit man no way! CeCe is pregnant?"

I just nodded. 

"Dude that's rough. What are y'all going to do?"

"I don't really know."

"You want to talk to my mom? She's a nurse she could tell you whatever you need to know." He said going through his magic bag. "I got some lightweight hydro's and some smoke, dank shit. I don't think she can take much of anything else."

"How much? I'll give you ten and a gram on me. Think of it as a baby shower gift." He laughed handing me two small bags. "So did you want to talk to mom she should be home any minute."

"Talk to me about what?" Mason's mother said entering the living room. "I'm already home."

"This dumbass got his girlfriend pregnant." 

"Dude." 

"Cecelia?"

I nodded. I wasn't ready for anymore adults to know. I didn't want the judgmental stares. 

"How far along is she honey?" His mom asked without the stare. 

"I don't know I just found out yesterday." 

"Then the first thing you need to do is see a doctor. I can recommend one to you." 

"Uh, sure." I said knowing it wasn't going to help much. 

We had to stay off the radar and a baby was a pretty big thing.

"Don't worry baby, he owes me a favor you'll be safe with him." 

She must have been able to read my mind. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.