Newt • Maze Runner Talk

Page 250 (hayfever version)

RosieGarnet23 and starryeyedturtle came up with this whilst at school today. Enjoy! You'll probably be triggered but ah well it's supposed to be relatable and funny.

Thomas almost couldn't recognise Newt. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face pink and blotchy as his nostrils started to leak slightly. He kept scratching absently at his arms, and Thomas watched in horror.

"Newt, just listen to me." Thomas pleaded, his hands reaching for his gun. "I know you're in there, trying to fight this...virus."

It was so horrific, he didn't even know what to call it.

Newt clenched his jaw, almost trembling with fury. "BLOODY HAY FEVER!!!!!!!" he screamed, spit flying everywhere before he erupted into a coughing fit. "I HATE YOU TOMMY!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!! YOU WERE ALWAYS SO PERFECT, EVEN WHEN THE POLLEN COUNTS WERE SO HIGH, YOU DIDN'T EVEN FALTER. BUT ME?? ME??? LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU, YOU SHUCK COWARD!! LOOK AT ME!!"

Thomas really didn't want to look at his friend blowing angry snot bubbles.

"Did I ever tell you why I have this hay fever Tommy? Did I? No, I don't believe I did."

"Newt—"

"I tried to cut the grass in the Glade," Newt spat, as he started to itch at his eyes. "They sent a bloody lawnmower up, and of course I couldn't resist. Those buggin' weeds around the walls were getting on my last nerve. So I started cutting and before you know it, I'm sneezing like some shuck idiot and I can't stop. That's when I knew I was...infected."

Thomas started down at his own feet guiltily. "Those weeds were really high, though."

"Yeah, and you know who's fault that is?" Newt yelled, his face inches away from Thomas's. "Yours. You built the shuck Maze, it was YOUR responsibility to reduce the pollen AND YOU DIDNT!!! It's all...your...fault!"

He suddenly reached for Thomas's wrist and pointed the gun at his head. "Now make amends! Kill me before I become one of those puffy eyed shuck faces. Kill me! I trusted you with the note. No one else. Now do it!"

Thomas sighed as he flashed back to the note he was given which read I left my hay fever pills in the Glade. I'm doomed.

"I can't Newt, I can't."

"Kill me you shuck coward—" Newt suddenly sneezed, and Thomas grimaced as he felt the spray on his face. "KILL ME!!!"

Then his itchy bloodshot eyes cleared, and he sniffed helplessly, the squeaking sound of him inhaling his own snot too adorable to resist. "Please, Tommy...please."

With his heart falling into a black abyss, Thomas pulled the trigger.