One Day Love Will Be True: A Niam Love Story

Pretending

-An-

Holy shit. I can't believe this has 27 parts now. Thank you so much for all your feedback. Sorry for any of the spelling/typo errors I've made. I've been writing these late at night. My semester is almost over so it's exam time/term paper time and just shit hit the fan time. You guys don't know how excited I get when I see comments and votes, so thanks so much for making me smile when I really just want to set my homework on fire! Also, again, to you know advertise myself, my Ziall fan fic The Secret Existence is also up and running too as well as another story I just got an idea for. I'm full of ideas! :D xx

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It's been a week since that kiss. It's been a week since he ran out of my room crying. It's been a week since we decided to stay apart to keep everything else together.

It's been a week of complete fucking hell. 

A week of avoiding his touch because if either of us touch we both jump back like we've been shocked. A week of sitting on opposite sides of the room during interviews. A week of pretending like he wasn't on my mind every second of everyday. A week of missing him so fucking much it took everything I had to not cry every time I was alone.  A week of watching him sleep from the opposite side of the car instead of being able to look down on my shoulder or lap. A week of trying not to cry while singing I wish. A week of trying to not sprint to the other side of the stage just to hug him when he sings his solo in Moments.  A week of trying to avoid seeing the pain in his eyes. A week of telling the lads that everything is okay. A week of fake smiles. A week of hugging everyone but the one person I really needed to. A week of realizing that we can't just be best friends anymore. A week of coming to terms with the fact that I ruined everything for us. A week of barely holding it together. 

We're all in the car right now getting driven home. It's night time and everyone is asleep so I let a few tears slip. I'll be the first to notice we're home so I can just go inside and run to my room without having to explain anything. The van is huge, I think Harry could lay down in the middle of it and our feet still wouldn't touch his body. I guess that's for the best since any contact with Niall is likely to drive me over the edge. I've never felt so sad for so long before. How do people move on from this? We didn't even get the opportunity to fall more in love with each other and I feel like I've been told the sun is never going to rise again. I feel so melodramatic. I just want to sleep. I realize that when we get home Niall still has to go to his home. It kind of sucks that I still don't know where he lives, but I suppose it's for the best. If I get the urge to just run over and see him I can't. Which means I can't mess anything up again. 

I'm so fucking tired of being in this van. Fuck this van. Fuck this job. Fuck everything. Fuck everything that makes it so I can't be with him. Fuck. UGH. I punch the side of the van and then realize what I did when Niall’s head pops up and looks right at me. It's the first time I've made eye contact with him since the kiss and tears just start to well up in my eyes. He looks so sad and I know that his face is probably mirroring mine exactly. While maybe all of the sadness, but none of the pain that is making my hand throb from making the decision to punch a car. I'm an idiot. I sit down and rest my head into my hands so that it covers my eyes. I try to control my head and my impulses; I don't want Niall to notice that I was crying. Why aren't we home yet? I go to look at my phone when I feel a hand on my wrist. I look up and Niall is holding on to me with a weak smile on his face. 

I feel the car stop and the Niall opens the door and tugs on my hand so we can get out of the car together. I unbuckle my seatbelt and tap on Harry just to get him to stir and realize that we're stopped. I know that by the time we get into the house they'll just be waking up to get out the car. Niall is tugging me by the wrist up the complex stairs. We finally get to our flat and when I go to stop at our door Niall tugs at me again and goes to the apartment next door. Is he still asleep? What is happening? Then he takes out the key and I realize that I'm the most dense lad on the planet. He always gets out here with us when the van drops us off because he lives right next door. Bloody brilliant really; I never expected it. 

When I look up I realize that Niall is looking at me waiting for me to walk through the door so he can close it. I walk in as he turns on the lights. The place barely looks inhabited. I know he didn't decorate, not that any of us decorate, but I don't think either of us know whether or not the thing in the middle of the room is a chair or a table. Maybe it's both. Is it possible to think too much when you're nervous?

Niall giggles and says "Yes, I suppose you can think too much when you're nervous, but you said all of that out loud."

Oh. Ha. I just start laughing because I'm an idiot. Then Niall joins in and eventually we're both on the floor in a fit of laughter with tears coming out of our eyes. Then Niall says, "You know, I really don't know whether or not that's a chair or a table. I really don't spend much time out here. I live mostly in my room and occasionally in the living room."

"Sounds just like you" I say laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling. This is what I've missed the laughing and the being silly. The way we bond without even trying. The way he didn't just judge me for speaking my thoughts out loud. 

We just laid there for god knows how long. Then I start to drift off and I notice he is too, so I scoot over and poke him on his side. He twitches and laughs. 

"Hey, I wasn't trying to tickle you. I just think that maybe we should actually go to bed." 

"Okay, my room is right upstairs."

"I'll just go back to the apartment. I don't want to cause us any trouble"

Niall looks at me and smiles reassuringly, "Liam, we have slept in the same bed more times than I could ever count before anything ever happened. We are falling asleep on the floor. I think that we can sleep in the same bed without screwing anything up"

I look down at the floor and say "I don't really know. I've becoming the master at ruining things"

Niall just sighs and turns to go up the stairs. he waits halfway up until I start walking towards him. I follow him towards his room. I can totally tell he lives here. There are clothes everywhere a few receipts to Nandos and a big tv on the wall. 

"Sorry about the mess"

"You really think I care?"

'No, just trying to be uh, welcoming?"

I laugh, "You're fine"

He starts to take off his shirt and pants and I walk into the bathroom. I need to not see him in a state of undress. I won't be able to control myself. He calls out "I'm done Liam it's fine" and when I come back out he's already in bed under the covers. I take a deep breath and take off my pants and shirt since he's looking away and climb into bed next to him. I try not to touch him. I don't want to light that spark. I can already hear him snoring and I'm drifting off myself. Let's hope when we wake up in the morning nothing has been compromised. 

I wake up well rested, but I don't want to open my eyes again. I just sit there with my eyes closed thinking about the fact that I now know that Niall has been next door all this time. I go to reach my hand up to slap myself in the head when it comes into contact with someone else’s hair. My eyes fly open and I realize that Niall and I are cuddling. I'm on my side/back in a weird way and he's on my chest facing my direction. He's adorable. I wish we could stay like this forever, but I know we're only supposed to be friends. I realize that my little slap to Niall's head has kind of woken him up. I smile down as I hear him say "Hmmm, everything feels so perfect" as he snuggles into my chest. I grin and try to hold back a chuckle but the movement of my chest still wakes Niall up. He opens his eyes and realizes that he's cuddling with me. He stares at his hand that was on my chest before he jumps up and says "Oh shit! I'm sorry!"

I go to reach for him to let him know it's ok, but by the time I go to reach he's already sprinting to the bathroom. 

Well, good morning. 

An-

It's going to get good I promise! I won't keep torturing you for much longer. It's 5 am here and I'm still writing a school paper. -.- Hope you enjoy xx