8| How Do I Live

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Grayson

"NO!" I scream as I watch my brother fall.

I throw foam blocks everywhere, trying to get to the edge of the foam pit. I climb over the edge and drop down to the floor. I scramble to Ethan's side.

"Ethan? Ethan, wake up. Come on, wake up." Tears drop from my face and soak into Ethan's shirt. I feel my jeans become wet. I look down and notice, for the first time, that I'm sitting in a puddle of blood. Ethan's blood. "You son of a bitch!" I yell and turn my head to look at the psycho, but he's already gone.

I pull out my phone and call 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, what's emergency?" The dispatcher asks.

"Help, please." I say through my sobs. "My brother's been murdered."

"What's your address, sir?"

"The Dolan Twins Warehouse. Off of North Broadway in Los Angeles, near Chinatown." I answer.

"Okay, sir. Police and EMS are on the way. Just stay where you are." The dispatcher hangs up the phone and my phone beeps with a disconnected signal.

I put my phone on the ground and hug Ethan to my chest, crying into his neck.

----

The police and paramedics arrive ten minutes after my call, but when you're holding your twin brother's body in your arms, time just seems to stop.

The paramedics load Ethan's body into the back of an ambulance in a black body bag and drive away. They said they would be taking him to Dignity Health California Hospital Medical Center but I have to stay behind to answer questions for the police.

"Do you know what the assailant looked like? Could you give us a description?" The officer asks.

"No, I can't. He was wearing a mask the whole time. My brother saw part of his face, but he's dead." I answer and wipe a stray tear from my eye.

"But you're certain that it was man?"

"I'm just assuming. The voice sounded like it was being slightly modified."

"Chief, we found this at the scene." One of the other officers says, holding up a plastic bag with half of the mask in it.

"Is this the mask that the killer was wearing?" The chief asks.

"Part of it. The other half was still on his face." I answer.

"We found this too." The officer holds the switchblade that Ethan was using in the fight with the psycho.

"There's no blood." I gasp.

"You act as if there should be." The chief says.

"Exactly. There should be. This is the knife that my brother was using to fight that psycho. He cut his back with it and there's no blood."

"Could've been wearing some kind of armor. Bulletproof vest, maybe." The other officer says.

"Run a DNA test on the inside of that mask." The chief says. His focus returns to me. "You've done enough for us tonight, Grayson. Thank you. Go home and rest, you've had a long night is sounds like."

"I have, but right now I wanna be with my brother, at least until my family gets here from New Jersey." I say.

"I'll give you a ride to the hospital." The chief says.

"Thank you."

----

At the hospital, I sit with Ethan- well, his body- as the doctors and nurses do paperwork and speak with the police.

I glance at the TV- it's on the news- for a second and notice the caption under the female reporter, "Ethan Dolan Dead at 17." I turn up the volume to hear it.

"Many fans grieve tonight as they mourn the loss of Vine and YouTube star Ethan Dolan. Ethan was one half of the comedy duo, The Dolan Twins, which he ran with his twin brother Grayson. The two are famous for making videos on YouTube, with over three million subscribers to their channel.

Ethan was murdered late this evening by a man that has not been identified yet. Police say that the suspect, according to Grayson, was wearing a mask and black robe. The mask is broken in half vertically, if anyone as any information on who the suspect could be, LAPD urges you to call their anonymous tip line at 1-877-527-3247. One can only imagine what that poor boy's family is going through right now, much less his twin brother." The reporter says.

I turn off the TV, look at E- he looks... peaceful, take his hand in mine and kiss it.

----

Just two days later is Ethan's funeral. So many people turn up for it- Nash and Hayes Grier, Shawn Mendes, Cameron Dallas, Aaron Carpenter, Jack Dail, and Nate Garner are just a few of the people that show up- and even more tune in to the livestream- we had to stream it, for the fans.

Towards the end of the funeral, Shawn goes up to the mic with the band. He's supposed to sing a rendition of "How Do I Live" by Leann Rimes, but I make a last minute decision. I go up to Shawn and tell him that I want to be the one to sing it.

"You sure about this?" He asks.

"This song is for my brother. I'm sure." I answer. Shawn steps away from the mic and joins the band behind me.

Everyone stares at me, right into my soul. This is your first time singing in front of people. Don't fuck it up.

The pianist begins to play the opening chords of the song, then the drummer plays his small part and that's my cue to sing.

"How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I...
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?"

The crowd gets up from their seats and claps. I can see Mom crying into Dad's shoulder and I break down myself. I run off the alter and outside to get some air. Cameron follows me outside.

"Hey, you did great in there." She says as she hugs me. "I had no idea you could sing like that."

"Thanks, sis, and neither did I." I say, resting my chin on her shoulder.

The doors to the church slowly swing open and out comes the pallbearers with Ethan's casket. They load it into the hearse and drive to the cemetery directly behind the church. I stay behind while everyone else goes to the gravesite. I already saw my brother die, I can't see him be put in the ground.

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