Chapter 4
I couldn't sleep at all last night.
All I could think about is that shit place called Hell.
Anxiety built up inside me for a long time now, & I think I've had enough of it.
Why couldn't they just send me my things? I don't care if I have to pay, I never want to see that place again.
I was never mad, crazy, insane, mental, that hell made me go insane.
They took away my sanity, & it's all I had.
I clenched my fist in anger wanting to punch something so bad that I lunged toward my bedroom wall.
A loud crash sounded through the plaster and paint causing dust to come around.
I coughed furiously as If I was coughing my heart out. I dropped to ground with a thud causing my arm to be scraped.
My heart grew to a faster beat making me worry.
I just want someone to help me..
I can feel tears start to come but nothing came out.
I felt like a fucking screwed up mess, I should be back at the asylum being a patient, just worthless piece of shit.
The dust disappeared slowly drifting off, but I'm not getting up. I'd rather just stay on the floor than be on my bed.
I'm too damn worthless...
My head turned to its side to see a small hole in the wall, but just big enough for a fist. I grunted & turned away to look up at the blank ceiling.
Small pictures I drew in my mind showed up mindlessly to make a pretty picture.
It isn't normal for humans to be like this. Confused, hurt, insane, broken, even some humans want to cut themselves to see if there is something beneath their skin. I remember from what I had heard from Vinny that "People who want to be at peace are angels wanting to go back to god." I smiled to the thought of him, missing him dearly.
Especially for the green eyed-boy. I wonder if he even remembers me anyway, probably not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|| Hours later ||
I woke up to a aching back, and me on the solid oak floor. My head is throbbing in pain and with a panting sound growing throughout my eardrums. Did I really sleep on the floor?
I stood up trying to regain my balance a little bit. My heart had slowed its pace along with my anxiety. Might as well get it over with.
20 minutes, surely that's all it will take surely. Better not take a shit load of time.
Slowly, I wobbled toward the bathroom to see what I look like & just what I was expecting.
Like shit.
It didn't even matter at this point, there is no reason to look my best at all.
I went for my purse & headed on out.
Never would I be looking fowards to this. A cold wave of air glided pass my face with light wind.
At least the day is nice.
I complain and think way too much. The streets seem busier than I have seen in a while. Oh, right. Christmas. Seems like a nice holiday for actual families and couples, but I don't see it's for everyone.
Truly it kinda does hurts my heart to have a lively holiday but with sorrow, surely that can't be done. I frowned at my thoughts, duck it.
My stroll to the hell wasn't too long, & wish it was.
I take in the heavy silence that has hung around the demented building. Each crack represents a lost soul in my theory, a new one always forms when someone dies. Even just the vines & cobwebs gives me chills. Everything here makes me want to burn it down.
Slowly taking my own time, I walk up the concrete steps & layer my hand on the handle opening it to reveal the place that ruined my sanity.
