Every night when I lay down
I think of his face
The same with my dreams
I see him
His eyes
His lips
His smile
The same smile that reminded me why I fell in love with him
The same lips that I felt countless and countless times again in my dreams and in reality
The same eyes I looked into
And I saw my future with
But I have to face the facts
I need to grow up and move on
I feel like that if he were to say
"Let's get back together"
That my dumbass will jump back in his arms
I'm so tired of crying
I'm so exhausted that even my tears start to dry up before they fall
Inside I'm dying
I'm forcing myself to eat
The temptation of my past pain and pleasures grow stronger everyday
He was my everything
I got too attached
I broke my own rules
Just to be with him
I left so many people
I even went against my own family
Just for him
Just for someone who couldn't hold on
I told everyone how much of an amazing person he was, even when we fought
"He's an amazing guy"
"We're getting married"
"We plan on having a family of our own..."
It's hard to believe that i have to face reality
That all of our plans had to go down the drain
Every dream I have of him, is me and him getting back together
Starting over again
I want to be with him
More than anything
But at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be able to trust him
He's hurt me countless of times before, but I still jumped back into his arms
I just want this pain to stop
Atleast I know that there is actually still love out there
That things happen for a good reason
But I want to stop myself from falling again
I want to throw away my feelings but they come back when he's around
I don't wanna throw him out of my life because he was there for me through
Heaven and hell
Wrong and right
The thought of seeing him with someone else kills me
I felt my tears start to fall again
So much of my emotions are locked in
Writing and drawing can do so much
God forgive me for my sins
God forgive me for everything
Give me strength to keep moving forward
I am a Christian guys. But I'm not those "Christians" who try to play God or say try to hurt someone because they're different.
Love you guys.
