I felt like the more time I gave him, the more he pushed me away.
The more love I gave him, the less he'd show it.
"I'll leave you alone 'til you trust me" is what he said.
What did I ask?
"Don't play with my head or heart.. Because honestly, I don't think I can handle it."
A month before this, he'd call and text me, tell me he loves me and say how much I mean to him. He'd ask about my day and ask if I was okay.
One morning when I wanted to talk to him. He didn't respond but then said "I love you, but I can't talk right now." Then said he'd talk to me later.
Later came and so did an entire day... But no answer from him.
When he did, he said he loves me.. Only then to avoid the conflict we had the other night. I told him we needed to talk.
"I don't have anything to talk about."
I called, I texted. Saying that we were supposed to try..
"I did try. But I'm tired of trying."
Knowing damn well that I was the only one who was actually trying.
I had to ask, "Did and do I make you happy?"
"You do. But at the same time, I'm not happy."
I broke... I am broken...
I've been in love with him since the day I met him.
I saw my life with him.
We even thought about getting married and the future we'd have.
"Lost in a simple game, cat & mouse
Are we the same people as before this came to light?"
I still remember that 8 hour phone call, and hanging up with him saying "I love you"
I still remember our first kiss. In the library, between the bookshelves.
I remember crying about my weight, and him pulling me close, saying that there was nothing wrong with me.. And that I'm a Goddess to him..
He saw me through my best and my worse.. A few months after the accident, we fell apart. The love was there but there was no patients.
I told him that I wanted to die. That I'm so tired, I don't know if it was because of the medications I was on, or if it was the fact that my mental and emotional stability crashed.
He stayed for a while before he got tired.. Claiming he wasn't happy anymore. But he kept coming back.. He kept saying how he felt but would never go through with being more again.
Now when I want to be friends, he won't tell me anything. Like if I'm nonexistent.
I wanted to know why but he won't answer.. A friend of his said, "Maybe it hurts him.. Just to be friends.." I would hope that was it..
But I'm falling apart.
I'm scared to move on because all I want is him.
I'm scared to move on out of fear with him wanting to be more again, while I'm with someone else.
I'm scared of saying yes to him again, because all we've ever had was a cycle.
·Him missing me
·Saying he loves me
·Treating me like I'm his and how my man "should be treating me"
·Empty promises
And I still love him...
