The Lonely Hearts Club

Isimo

NATHAN

Isimo

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

"Nate! You are going to be late for school!" Sarah is coming into my room. "You are still in bed? Are you aware of the fact that school is going to start in two minutes? You cannot come too late, the teachers will no longer give you a special treatment. If you want to sleep you have to go to bed earlier."
I am aware of the fact. I do not expect a special treatment by anyone. And I went to bed early. I am just always tired.

"Could you at least look at me? Nathan! I am talking to you!"
She storms out of my room, murmuring something like 'stupid boy' and 'cannot get his ass up'. And I am still lying in bed.

"Nathan? Sarah wants to know if you want to eat something." I already ate something. Two bags of chips that were lying next to my bed to be specific.
"Can I come in?"

Door is open. Markus comes in and looks down at me like Sarah did this morning. 

"You cannot spent the whole day in bed doing nothing."

Obviously I can. He sighs and goes out.
"We cannot help you if you do not speak with us" Markus says and closes the door.

"Nate?"

Hey Miri.

"Are you sick?"

Just tired.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

I am not, Miri, I am just not able to move. I am sorry.

"Call me when you are feeling better."

I am alone again. I am always alone.

Gravity is the only thing I can feel. Gravity and  sadness. My phone is buzzing the whole time. Probably my group for the Geography thing. Why are they even trying? We are all going to die anyways. Hopefully some of us will die soon. I am 'some of us' just in case you were wondering.

I have been thinking about my death since the accident. And it always lead to the one question: Why am I still alive? Why did I not die in the accident? Why do I not finally kill myself? Miri would be the only  one missing me. But she would get over it.

I do not know what I would do if I could get up. Maybe I would eat some cornflakes. Maybe I would kill myself. Who knows?

My phone is making a noise I have only heard once before: someone left a message on my mailbox. Who the hell does use the mailbox? My dad accidentally did once.

I want to get up. Look who called me. Listen to the message. I really want to. But I still cannot move.

Breathing is exhausting.

Thinking is exhausting.

Living is exhausting.

Falling apart is easy. 

Thursday, 19 January 2017

I cannot feel anything.

Friday, 20 January 2017

"Nathan Barnes! Get up and do something!"

Saturday, 21 January 2017

"Nathan? This is Doctor Müller. She wants to check your health."

"Mister Barnes? Please give me sign if you can hear me."

"He has not moved since Tuesday evening. What is wrong with him?"

"His vital functions are okay. He seems to ... "

Sunday, 22 January 2017