What Am I?

Chapter 14

Days passed without any word from Dylan. The only way to communicate with him was through his family. After the entire room thrashing episode, Dylan gave a lot of thought to the reason for his breakdown. He would sit at the window for hours just looking at the clouds float away with the wind. He got leave from school because of his parents lying that he was ill, well technically not a lie.

Dylan wasn't the kind of person who would want to stay alone, but at this point, he didn't want anyone's company, except his own.

Entire days would go in him just thinking and making up hypothetical situations, trying to remove the pros and cons of the different decisions he could take-including the stupid ones.

That day was also no different. The same sleepless night because of the medications, the same mood, the same thoughts, the same everything. He wasn't being able to stay by himself, he just couldn't. He needed to pour out to someone. It felt like a thousand stones were kept on his chest, making him feel sick. 

Drained out, he picked up his phone.

"Hello..."

"They should hire you for delivery services. You'll always be employee of the month" said Dylan with a slight smile.

Max had left his breakfast midway and come to Dylan's place. He had covered a fifteen minute drive in a matter to two minutes. If someone would have been sitting in the car with him, the person would be sure that he was not going to reach his destination in a single piece. His little car was flying on the streets of LA. Even though Max had driven to Dylan's house, he was panting and sweating.

"I drove like a maniac to hear you offer me a job in a fast food joint?!"

Dylan just hugged Max like never before. His hold was tighter than usual, a hold as if he was going to lose Max. 

Max patted Dylan on the back and comforted him till Dylan felt a little better. Max made him sit on the couch and got him some water.

They were alone in the house. Dylan felt at peace knowing that there weren't more people around. He kept the glass down and looked Max straight in the eye.

"I've...I've been..you know...thinking about what the...the doctor said."

"What?! No no no no no no. You are not doing that."

"I'm not saying I'm doing it...I'm just thinking about it. I can't live with this. It needs to be solved."

Dylan buried his face in his hands.

Max didn't know what to say. 

Finally, after feeling that he could remove some sensible words out of his mouth, Max spoke, but while looking at the floor.

"I love you Dylan, I always will. We've known eachother since, I don't know, since.. you learnt that you're supposed to poop in the pot not in the garden-"

"That was because of the neighbour's dog."

"But I still believe that you can improve without it."

Dylan didn't say a word. He kept looking at the glass of water in his hand. Dylan stood up and went towards the kitchen.

"Why is it so hot in here?" asked Max as he got up to adjust the temperature.

Just as Max was adjusting the temperature, he heard a scream.

"Max!"

He turned around to see Dylan pointing a knife at himself. A knife sharp enough to slice him into pieces.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"You think I know?!"

Dylan had the knife pointing towards his chest. He was trying to pull his hand away, but he couldn't.

Max was so bemused that he didn't know what to do. He kept looking at Dylan and then his arm. He held onto Dylan's hand and pulled it away with all his life, but in vain.

More than himself, Dylan was scared for Max. He didn't know when his hand would suddenly decide to attack Max. Dylan couldn't let anything happen to Max.

"Max, get out of here! Roger is completely crazy! You'll hurt yourself!"

But Max was in no mood of listening. He suddenly thought of something. He moved a little away from Dylan and kicked his hand so hard that the knife fell and his hand stopped acting crazy.

Dylan just fell to the floor. Max kept the knife away and sat next to him.

"Now do you know why I was considering the suggestion?" asked Dylan.

Max sighed.

"It was just an accident Dylan."

"Well these accidents can lead to something serious!" he shouted.

"Max, these things can lead to something bigger and worse! Can't you see? I'm a walking active bomb who can explode anytime and just destroy everything around. I've literally kept myself in isolation since so many days so that I don't harm anyone. I haven't spoken to my parents, to you, to Andy... I..."

He couldn't say anything more. Neither did he have the courage nor the energy to talk.

Max could see his friend falling apart. He could see Dyaln breaking on the inside. Dylan would try his best not to lose hope, but he was a human being too. How much can a person endure without showing the world his condition and suffering while doing the same.

Humans are strong, but not strong enough not to wither with the challenges of time. We can bare, but not bear without hurting ourselves and others.

However, we can overcome all the obstacles and move forward. Humans are like clouds, they tend to go with the flow, go with the wind. But we stop when obstructed by the mountains of our lives. We try to push, but then just give up.

But what makes a difference is to let go of the troubles and rise above it all. Once we become lighter by letting go and rise, we will automatically go above the mountains and go ahead.

"Listen to me Dylan" said Max as he turned Dylan around.

"Everyone in this world goes through that one phase in their lives which they describe as the worst time. Some go through it later, some go through it early. It's not that life is being unfair to you, it's just that it wants to test you. You have the fighting capacity of a tiger. Tiger is the symbol of power. Life just wants to see that power in you. A tiger kills with one hard hit. You too have to do it, with just one hard hit; a hit that will end all this."

Max's words opened up a little window of hope in Dylan's dark mind.

"The medication is to help you Dyl. I'm sure you'll be better."

Dylan just nodded.

"And one more thing. Who's Roger?"

"Umm... This is going to sound weird. This is Roger" said Dylan.

"This...this is Roger?"

"Ya.."

Both of them looked at his hand.

"I've named him. I thought that if he behaves like he has a mind of his own, then why not give him a name of his own?"

Max didn't know what to say. He just looked at Dylan and smiled.

They were so engrossed in their conversation that neither of the two noticed a pair of eyes watching them.