The New Normal

The Beginning

Dan and Louise were walking to lunch, the snow falling outside casting a strange light on the otherwise boring hallway. "I've been really into Crazy Ex Girlfriend lately." Dan said, nervously picking at his nails.

His heart was poumding and he hadn't even said anything about why he had been so into Crazy Ex Girlfriend yet. "Oh, really?" Asked Louise. "I haven't actually watched it but I feel like I've seen a lot about it." "Yeah, you probably have. They had a like normal, grown up man come out as, uh, bi, so it was kind of a big deal." Louise nodded "Oh, that's cool."

They walked in for another minute in silence, and Dan knew that his cheeks were glowing red. "You mean the fact that there was a canonically bi character on a network show was a big deal, right?" Asked Louise. "Because the actual coming out thing doesn't have to be a big deal. No one would think any differently of anyone if y- if they came out." Dan sighed. "See I understand that, I do... I just don't think I would ever come out, you know, if I was bi. I don't think there would be any reason to."

He didn't look at Louise but he could hear the disappointment in her voice as she said "Okay." She knew. Of course she already knew. She'd probably caught him staring at Jake McGuire's ass that time in gym freshman year. Or one of those other times.

Maybe he could get away with not actually telling her. She probably already knew, that was good enough, right? And if she didn't before, surely she would realize that already having a strong opinion on what he would do if he was hypothetically bi was probably indicative of something slightly more than hypothetical. Right?

//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

5 Days Later

Dan and Louise were walking to lunch again. (They did nearly every day). Louise talked about her math homework while Dan zoned out for the millionth time that week. Thinking Louise knew he was bi without actually knowing she knew he was bi was tearing him apart. But did he really want to tell her? Did he really want to make this all real, instead of just his little secret. Maybe he was wrong, maybe every time he had thought about a guy for the last 2 years had been normal, high school stuff. Maybe he wasn't really bi. Right?

"Hello?" Louise said, interrupting his inner spiral. "Earth to Dan." He cracked a weak smile. "Sorry, zoned out." Louise frowned. "Don't be sorry, what's up? You've been spacey all week."

Dan took a deep breath. His heart was about to beat out of his chest. "Lou, you remember that conversation we had the other day? About how, hypothetically, if I was bi, I wouldn't tell anyone?" Louise smiled, and nodded, and took Dan's hand. "Um, I just wanted to make sure it was clear that that wasn't hypothetical. I am bi, and I'm not going to tell anyone. I mean, besides you, I guess."

Louise grinned, and pulled Dan into a hug. "Dan," she laughed. "Of course I know." He let out a shaker laugh as Louise let go. "It really isn't a big deal, love. No one would care. Even if you do." Dan smiled, and thanked her, as they walked into the cafeteria and found their friends.

And all of this was scary, and real, but for the first time since he had realized he was bi 2 years ago, Dan wasn't alone with it.