Five hours and twenty seven minutes till my flight arrives,fifty two minutes left till I leave this house and get to the airport.
Time's slipping out of my palms like a man losing his sanity,and i'm in his arms and it hurts but at the same time it doesn't. Meeting a madman and defying society's norms and feeling my red lipstick coated lips running down his neck and drowning in his mind has changed me in ways I couldn't imagine,I feel myself but I know there's something wrong here again.
Two months with the love of my life have been nothing but bittersweet and now it's time to go.
The silence claims us like a warrior staking it's prey and I fumble with the sleeves of my sweater. We both knew.
We knew better than to let it get this far,but now here we are. Dying.
Mama,love hurts before it even begins and I know it. Letting him go hurts more and each time,but I seem to forget it all the moment he's back. You've had your cake. Watch your aggression recoil when he enters,watch all your intentions fade.
Calm. He makes you calm.
That's the word.
You're not raging fire anymore. You're warm,a warm candle in his darkness and you loved it. You love being dimmed. He's gentle. His name says it. Gentle boy,you know? To help you.
You can write books on him,and you've loved two and a half times before. None have ever hurt as bad as this. The first person you've never wanted to kill. You want to wrap your hands around his neck,but stroke his skin and kiss him there. No pain for him. None at all.
Fight. Fight against everything till you meet someone who knows you don't want to do this anymore. Watch him fight you till you shatter,and carry your words home in your bones. Now he'll teach you to heal. Fix yourself again. It's different this time.
His hands never left me this entire time this year and now his scent is all over,inside all the crevices of me,all the scars that people damned into me and he's here he's here he's here he's here
- I'm the one who's leaving,this time.
What if I'm the one who doesn't come back?
