Letters from me to You.

letter to my future kids.

Before you read and think 'my mother doesnt love me.' Know that no matter what you do, say or become i will always love you. I wont judge you. I wont turn away from you. I would die a thousand deaths before anything were to happen to you. With that said, im sorry. Im sorry for bringing you into this confusing world. A world that finds you unperfect no matter what you do or say. A world that is filled with racism, hate. I needed you to fill a hole in me. It was selfish of me, how am i to know that your life wont be a hard one? How could i bring you into this world knowing that you will always feel a void in you. You will feel incomplete, no matter what you have you will want for more. And not that i will love you any less but what if you're gay, bisexual or lesbian? I dont want you to be bullied, picked on or thought less of. I dont want you to have to struggle with the fear of telling me. I will only hate it because of what it could mean to you. Of the damage that it might bring you. What if it gets so unbearable that you end it? And it all started with my selfish decision to have you. Because i want you, society has shaped me into wanting all these things, things that could possibly fill a little void in me. It will shape you too, for better or worse it will. So im sorry for having you, im so sorry for the pain that i could have avoided for you. I loved you from the moment that the idea of you was formed. No matter what you looked like, no matter what your sexual preference was, no matter the mistakes that you would comit or the headaches you would give me becuase it would all be worth it. It would be worth the little [that feels like a lot] joy that you bring to my life. The love that you made grow within me, the steps that you helped me take to become a better person. I regret nothing for myself and yet regret everything for you. I love you.