This is My Life

I Believe What People Say

Ever since that day and before (excuse my language). They called me a slut, whore, bitch, fat, cunt, pussy, etc. I have practically been called every single horrible word you can find. I get altitude sickness just for standing up for myself when someone digs they're finger in an open wound. Someone onetime said on MY BIRTHDAY when I was ten that, "At least my father was here on my birthday and at least I get to live with my dad!" This girl named Georgia taunted at school. I went and cried in the school bathroom like a baby. Each word, sentence or phrase pierced my skin whenever I was told one, two or sometimes all. I wake up each morning and look at myself in the mirror and my demons in my head whisper comments that I can easily hear. I have music playing when I'm trying to go to sleep because sometimes the whispers turn into shots and screams, I don't want to hear them but I can only muffle them with my music on full blast. And, people don't know how hard it is just to wear a swimsuit to a public pool. I think everyone's looking at me and thinking rude comments, so I try to stay underwater the whole time. I have suicidal thoughts and ideas welded into my brain, I hate my life and myself and people think I'm OK when really the smile on my face is fake. But, I don't even know if it's fake or not anymore. I just want to die and end the voices in my head. Life isn't for everyone. I am wonderful.