The Girl Who Never Said Goodbye ( ON HOLD INDEFINITELY )

Chapter Three

Crappy and unedited chapter ahead so beware:::

Its amazing how I can wake up from a nightmare to another nightmare in less than a few hours. Kinda a harsh punishment for a girl right? And a messed up one at that.

I guess it wasn't a dream that I was banished from that cage to this house without any regards for my sanity (if I had one in the first place) and well, my being. To think that i'm their flesh and blood, I can't say they really cared at this point. Not that it matters, everyone could probably see how i'm so beyond saving. I would never refute that. My rebellious actions speaks louder than me cursing it out do.

My pink comforter and lacy pillows, the butterfly designs on the wall, the cream colored furniture's and stuff, everything is still the same from when we still live here. The things I used to obsess over and flaunt to my friends, they all seem to be just a pigment of a memory that I didn't know existed. I mean, when did I start wearing blacks pants and black everything from all these pink frills and laces?

Did that era of me really did happen? 

Maybe. I can't even believe it myself, that I wore disgusting clothes like that if not for the pictures plastered on my wall. I hate pink ( no offense to those who liked them ), its just too girly for my taste. And feels a little too innocent too. Like really?

You would never hear the word innocent and Anna in the same sentence. They're like oil and water, they'd never mix.

" Why am I here? Out all the places you could've sent me to, why did you chose this? " 

I really want  to know why you did what you did. It's a dark place for us. Mom couldn't even enter this house without fainting on the floor. 

And me. Have you forgotten what happened to me after that nightmare? Had it been completely erased from your mind what that incident did to me?!! You were there, watching it all unfold in front of your eyes. You saw me break down into little pieces;  witness me getting carted off to the hospital unconscious and bleeding from an attempted suicide. 

You saw everything ; don't you know what it would do to me when you decided to send me here? Have you ever thought about what I would feel? Do you really have to do this?

It was a very rough year for all of us. My suicide attempt, mom developing a drinking problem and you, just dealing with everything and anything with an emotionless face. Like your not there at all.

Do you remember that time when you sent me off to a mental facility to get treated? I was storming up a fuss, trying to break free from the nurses grip on my arms as they tried to put me on restraints just so I won't end up hurting myself. You just stood there, watching it all unfold like it didn't matter to you. I actually thought that you would smack me or something just so I would stop making a ruckus inside the hospital. 

But you didn't. 

Do you know what that made me feel? My own father not doing anything as I was getting strapped into a hospital bed while he did nothing but stare at me like I wasn't even there. It felt like I was just a piece of trash not worth getting dumped on a proper place. No, more like i'm not even suitable enough to for you to give your second thoughts on. It was that degrading. 

I felt unwanted  and useless by the people who should've been there for me; parents that should've showed that they care and appreciate having me.

There was never that kind of affection in that house. Everyday of my life is filled with cold remarks and disapproving glances. It was never a place of warmth, a place I could call home.