Big Boys Cry

Chapter Thirteen

Whenever Phebe heard people say 'it was as though my world slowed to a halt' she never understood it until this very moment. From the moment the doctor had said the words, that her father was dead, it was as if everything went into slow motion. Her mum was on the ground wailing but somehow she couldn't will herself to cry and each time the words replayed in her head it was like she was being stabbed a million times by a million people who were willing her to break but she was fighting back the tears.

Everything that was happening brought back memories of when she lost her mum, unhappy memories. Her mum's last days were quiet and peaceful. On the nights when she had a little strength she would come over to Phebe's room and they would talk all night and just like her dad Phebe remembered how her mum was the day before she died. She looked peaceful as if she knew the end was near and she was fine. Her dad had that same look and that was what scared her, he wasn't afraid of dying and he was at peace with the world. She had crawled into her mum's bed that night and unlike other nights what she said was 'goodbye'. She was too young to understand what was happening but somewhere at the back of her young mind she knew her mums end had come but now as an adult she didn't let herself believe her fathers end had come until now.

Her hand came over her mouth as the fought harder to hold back the tears. She was angry with him for leaving. He said his good byes but she didn't, she couldn't and now he was gone.

She wanted to believe this was a dream that the man who had raised her and who had been her greatest supporter wasn't just dead, gone. The last thing she wanted to believe was that she would never see him again, she would never see her father again. The nurses that stood around them looked confused, not knowing whether to console her mother or how to proceed with preparing her father's body. This was a decision she never planned to make.

She finally looked at her mum after several minutes and she had her head buried in her arms as she wept against the floor. Realising she was all she had left, Phebe collapsed on the ground beside her mum and pulled her into her arms.

"It's going to be fine mum, we are going to be fine." Those were the first words she had said in over thirty minutes and she didn't believe them herself. She had lost both of her biological parents and her mum was now a widow. How could they be fine?

Phebe pulled her mum tighter against her, more to derive strength than to comfort her. In this very moment her world had collapsed and she only wished she knew how to put it all back together.

"Lord please help us!" That was her silent prayer.

^ ^ ^

His attempt to use work to distract himself was futile because he still couldn't get Phebe off his mind. She was like a bad itch you couldn't scratch and he just couldn't make himself forget her and then he thought to himself; 'why should he?'

Despite his greatest resistance he dialled her number from his car as he drove down the long stretch of road and hoped above all that she would answer. When she answered after the third ring he almost didn't believe it.

"Phebe?" There was no response from her and he waited in silence for her to say something until he heard a sniffle like she was crying. "Phebe are you alright?"

"Yeah...Yeah I am fine." He could tell form her voice that she was definitely not fine. He pulled the car over to the side of the road.

"Phebe please what is wrong?"

"Em....I need a favour from you."

"Anything!" And he meant it. He could hear her blowing her nose and then there was silence for a while. "Phebe please I am worried, talk to me. What is wrong? If you need me I will there in a minute." He meant that too.

"Please.....don't come, you won't find me." Her voice was getting really low that he almost had to strain his ears to hear her. "I won't be in the office for a while." There was a little sniffle then she continued. "I don't want to take advantage of our.....friendship but I need to be away for a while and I can't come in to the office to fill out the paper work."

He knew what she was asking for. If she didn't come in to fill the paper work to go on leave she was sure her job would not be there when she resumed, she knew that and he knew that but of course he could override it.

"I just need this from you." she continued. "But if it is too much please don't..."

"It's fine, there is no problem. Your job will be waiting for you when you come back."

"Thank you." This time he could hear her clearly crying.

"Phebe please whatever it is I can help."

There was no response from her that he had to check and see if she had cut of the call but she was still here. He could hear her slow breathing so he knew she was there. "Phebe?"

"There is nothing you can do."

"Why? Just tell me!"

"My father is dead Rah! He is dead!" That was all she said and the line went dead. He immediately tried to call her back but she had switched off her phone.

"Damn!" He banged his hand against the steering wheel that he almost thought he would bleed. He wanted to help but why wouldn't she let him? He wouldn't give her a choice.

He started the engine and headed straight to her house, he had never been this worried about anyone like this before that it began to hurt him and making sure Phebe was fine became his priority.