Bellamy starts walking back, carrying walkie talkies. "Hey look what i found." He holds them up and smiles. "Sweet, I'll have a look at them and maybe i'll get them to work." Raven said, taking them and putting them on her bag. She gestured him to sit beside her and simultaneously offered some food. "Thanks." Bellamy said and sat down beside her, taking some food. "No problem." Raven said leaning back against the wall. Bellamy glances at her then starts eating.
Raven ate only a little as her appetite had been gone. "So.. what is it like for you? Being on the ground?" She asked. "Well.. it's kinda hard when you're the oldest, someone's gotta be in charge of them. But the best is being off the ark. What about you?" He asks and smiles slightly. "Well you're not the only old one anymore," Raven chuckled as she was twenty herself. "Me? It was hard to fit in but I think the others are starting to accept me with them." She told with a shrug.
Bellamy nods. "It takes a bit, they're stubborn."He laughs slightly. "My stubbornness added to theirs doesn't seem like a good combination then." Raven smiled and looked at Bellamy. "Eh you're right, but they'll come around." Bellamy smiles back at her. "Yeah well it's not like I'm out for dating those kids and I've made enough friends with them already." Raven told. "So you want to be single now?" Bellamy raises a brow.
"I just don't want to be with any of them. I' not used to being alone." Raven sighed. "Yea, I understand." Bellamy nods slightly. "But enough about my sucky lovelife, you've never been serious with anoyone? Or has Octavia always been the most important responsibility and on the was of that?" Raven asked. Bellamy fiddles with his fingers and thinks. "Umm not really? Ever since my mom got floated my priority was keeping her alive and well."
"Oh.. I'm sorry for your mom. I lost both of my parents when i was young.. though my mother was never much of a parent," Raven said with a sigh. "What do you mean by that?" Bellamy asked with curiosity. Raven kept a small break before taking a deep breath and telling him. "She umm.. abused me since i was little, sexually. She hit me as my father my father died when I was very young and started drinking too much. She started trading my rations for moonshine and when one day I found her overdosed in our apartment.. I don't know.. I felt a slight relief to not be in need to explain my bruises and cuts at school and try to hide them." She lifted her shirt and showed a scar on her stomach. "She stabbed me here once but made sure i never told anyone. I just took a few days off school and no one ever found out." She said sadly.
Bellamy looks at her in shock then looks down at her stomach. "I'm so sorry.. no one should ever have to go through that." He frowns and sighs. "That's why I needed Finn, he kept me fed and somewhat safe, at least from myself when I tired to float myself. He's been looking after me ever since, making sure I wouldn't give out to my demons. I guess that's why he wanted us to stay friends. He doesn't.. hell, even I don''t trust myself alone with myself." Raven told, running her hand through her ponytail. Bellamy nods. "I understand now.. Why you felt so hurt. He left you after so long. I'm sorry." He looks down.
"Yeah. I guess now it's gonna be just me and soon there will be no me." Raven told with a shrug as she leaned her head back. Bellamy shakes his head and looks at her. "It wont be just you, you'll find someone eventually." He explained. "In the middle of these kids? Hell no." Raven sighed and clenched her fists. "Ok, ok calm down.." Bellamy said softly.
"No, I won't Bellamy. This is my life. I can't just.. just be calm about how I might end up." Raven told, her voice cracking in the end. "You never know.." Bellamy sighs. "Never know what? Things won't get better Bell-amy. I can't be alone." Raven sighed, clenching her jaw to keep her voice steady. "You won't be alone." Bellamy looks at her and sees her holding back.
"How do you know?" Raven asked, turning her eyes that were now welling up in tears to him. Bellamy looks in her eyes then looks away quickly out of nervousness. "I just have a feeling." He says quietly. "You have a feeling Blake? I thought you didn't have any." Raven laughed sadly, trying to get out of her upset mood. "Yea badasses have feelings too." Bellamy smiles slightly.
"Good to know." Raven said with a faint smile. Bellamy chuckles. "Hey the smile is back." Raven bit her lip and nodded a few times as her stomach slightly twisted again. "As I said, you somehow lift my mood shooter." She told him as she played with her knife. "Lift your mood?" Bellamy smirks and watches her. "Make me feel better. Life me out of the hole I've dug myself." Raven explained, looking at Bellamy and being surprised by his smirk, smirking back at him herself. Bellamy chuckles. "Sorry your words are too fancy for me."
"Fine, I'll stay quiet." Raven told with a shrug and laid down on her sleeping bag. "I didn't mean it like that.." He gets up and lays out his sleeping bag, but not too close to hers then sits on it. "I know I'm just.. not used to anyone being nice to me unless they're obligated, so I take things the wrong way." Raven said and looked at Bellamy.
Bellamy nods and sighs, laying down. "It's fine." Raven reached for Bellamy's hand gently took it, then reassuringly squeezed it. "You haven't done anything wrong, don't blame yourself if something happens to me." She said with a small smile. Bellamy looks at their hands then her. "Nothing is gonna happen to you."
"Yeah." Raven said with a small smile even if she knew the reason Finn made sure she didn't leave the camp alone. Bellamy smiles slightly and squeezes her hand back. "We should head to sleep, tomorrow we'll have to get these back to camp. Goodnight Blake." Raven said with a smile and rubbed his knuckles before turning the lantern off. Bellamy closes his eyes. "Goodnight Raven." Raven slowly slid her hand out of Bellamy's and with a smile, fell asleep.
it
