immortal • egobang

7| i'd rather it be yours

trigger warning: suicide attempt mention

Arin loved his son more than his heart would allow.

His name was Ren Joesph Hanson.

In Japanese, Ren meant lotus. He would be able to watch his little flower grow.

They shared the same second name, his mother's choice.

Shortly after child birth, his mother died. She had gotten infected during the procedure. Arin was sad to see her go.

Arin had come to terms that he would always love Leigh Daniel Avidan. He had also come to terms that he would still need to live his life. He took care in his new relationships. That led to him having his first child in which he genuinely cared about.

Ren was a small boy. He was barely past five years old but talked Arin's head off most days. He had his mother's smile, and would wear it proudly. His eyebrows would scrunch in a way like his father's, but his eye shape was his mother's.

His eye color was something different, leaning more toward Arin's but not quite there.

He had crazy tufts of black hair upon his head, cut short to keep the craziness at bay.

His laughter was loud and belly-filled like Arin's, spreading through the room like wild fire whenever heard. Arin could spend all day making him laugh or smile, holding his small hand in his own. He loved his son.

They often went to the park together, it was right across where they lived. Arin would scoop up Ren in his arms and spin him around until their laughs reigned over everything else.

They laid in the grass a lot. They always kicked off their shoes, letting the grass tickle their feet. They picked flowers and put them in each other's hair. They pointed up to the clouds and made their own shapes.

One day they were laying. The sky was only scattered with a couple of clouds. Arin pointed to one. "I think that's a lovely little person."

Ren pointed to another cloud, finger going as high as he could. "And that's a monster! Coming to eat the person!"

Arin laughed and leaned up on his elbow, reaching over and tickling his son on his stomach, "hey! That's not very nice!" But Arin was laughing and so was Ren.

"What are you boys laughing about?"

Arin jumped at the sudden voice and legs appearing in front of him. He looks up to see the person's face and feels his breath hitch. What are the chances.

"Just the clouds," Arin replies to Leigh, taking too long to respond. Ren has gone quiet in front of the stranger.

"Oh really?" Leigh says back, laughter in his voice. He sits down across from Arin, Ren in between them. It feels natural. "I haven't noticed anything funny about them- oh sorry, I'm Daniel."

Daniel. "I'm Arin. This is Ren." Arin gives another tickle to Ren's stomach.

Daniel smiles, watching Ren. Arin guesses he should be scared right now, a stranger coming up to them and sitting with them, but Arin would do anything to spend more time with Daniel. He was internally freaking out on the fact that he was here with him now.

"Is he yours?" Daniel asks, giving a nod towards Ren and then looking to Arin. Arin notices that Daniel has the same eye color as Ren.

"Yes, but his mother's gone." I'd rather him be yours. I'd rather father him with you. I'd rather have you.

Daniel frowns, reaching his hand over and patting Arin briefly on the shoulder. A jolt of electricity shoots through Arin. "That's too bad."

"Yeah," Arin agrees. It's all he can do at the moment. He's so nervous. He feel like he can't move, but at the same time, he feels like he can do anything.