Gender: A Spectrum

Pre-Transition vs Post-Transition

I was asked to explain the feelings of someone who is pre-transition and post-transition. My only "experience" with this topic is in a male perspective, so I apologize to any female/nonbinary trans folk. I'd love to hear your side of things in the comments, or maybe if you inbox me I can add another part to this for trans women and other trans people. I'm currently pre-transition, but I have a few friends in mid-transition and a couple post-transition.

I know for me personally, being pre-transition absolutely stinks. The gender dysphoria is insane and there's nothing I can do about it since I don't have the money for testosterone or surgery. It makes me feel disgusting and so abnormal. When people misgender me or are rude to me because of my gender identity, it feels like I'm being cut into pieces by the sharpest knife in the world. I just want to be seen as a man, not a masculine girl. I'd like to say that's how most people probably feel too, those like me. I'm just waiting for the whole transition process to start. I can't look at myself in the mirror or feel comfortable in my own skin until I know transition is straight ahead.

For my friends who are mid-transition, they feel a little in between both sides, appropriately. My friend Hurley started testosterone and he updates his social media a lot, so it almost feels like I'm in it with him. His voice is getting deeper, his face is squaring out, and his fat is redistributing. He looks way happier, but he still has days where his dysphoria attacks him whether it be due to his chest or his body structure. I don't talk to him on a personal level often, but that's what I've gathered from the things he says on his instagram account and facebook profiles.

A guy I've talked to a couple of times before, Chase (the man in the video from the last chapter), has been on T for years, he is post-op, and he has been considering bottom surgery for quite some time. He feels great. He's said that before he went on T, his confidence was really low and he did terribly in school. He is now doing extremely well. He also says that he's happy with his top surgery results and he loves that he can wear T-shirts now without worrying about a binder. There are still days where he feels dysphoric, as for any trans person.

Even if someone has been on T (testosterone) or E (estrogen) and had surgery, they can still experience dysphoria and be upset about their body. Ultimately, there is no way for any trans person to look cis. There is always going to be scarring and they are always going to have to take their hormones. This can be very upsetting and, for me personally, can be incredibly hard to accept. Transition can definitely help, but there is no way to have the "perfect body."

There are some people that don't even desire hormones or medical transition. They could be happy just being on hormones or just having surgery without going through every possible way of transitioning. They will, of course, have their own experience. I don't have access to anyone who has approached transition in this way, but they do exist and are valid.

I unfortunately don't have any personal experience with being on testosterone or with having top/bottom surgery since I'm not there yet, but I do know some of the changes and effects that come with testosterone. Again, I cannot speak for those who take estrogen.

-Fat redistribution

-Receding hairline

-Acne

-Thicker hair

-Body hair growth

-Voice deepening

-Weight gain

That's all that I know of based on other people's progress videos and status updates and all. I also know that testosterone comes in many forms. There's of course the liquid for shots, but there are also gels, creams, and patches that might cost a bit more if you aren't able to give yourself a shot or go have a doctor do it for you.

Of course you always want to get your T letter from a doctor so that you can get it from a trusted source. I know there are some people/places that may just give it to you anyhow, but it's dangerous doing it that way. If you absolutely cannot get a note due to insurance/money reasons, I know that certain Planned Parenthood locations offer HRT (hormone replacement therapy).

As far as top and bottom surgery go, I'm completely inexperienced in that field. I know that after top surgery, you have to keep all of your tubes in for some amount of weeks and that you'll always have scarring in the areas that they made the incisions, though they make scar creams to help tone down the intensity of the scarring. After top surgery (and bottom surgery, I imagine) you will be unable to move freely and it is advised to have someone close to you help you with things and help you drain your tubes. As for the kinds of top surgery, there's the keyhole method and the double incision method along with the peri-areolar method and the Inverted-T method. Different methods exist for different chest sizes and different rates of elasticity. For small chests with high elasticity, the keyhole method is recommended, for moderately sized chests with good skin elasticity, the peri-areolar, double Incision or Inverted-T methods are suggested. For large chests or moderately-sized chests with poor elasticity, the double incision or Inverted-T method is suggested, and for very large chests, the double incision method is the suggested way to go. Bottom surgery, though, I am not the one to give out information on. If any of you have experience having top or bottom surgery, let me know! I'd love to add some info on both! I've never considered bottom surgery as something I would want, therefore I've done no research on it.

There are also other surgeries for trans men, these are just the main 2 that people mostly refer to. This is why saying "the surgery," is a false term. There is more than one surgery for trans men and for trans women and nonbinary folks!

Lastly, you do not need hormones or surgery to be trans!! Hormones and surgery will not solve all of your problems also, of course. I continuously have to come to terms with the fact that I will never have a cis males penis. Surgery helps silence dysphoria but it can never completely get rid of it.