SATURN | PHILKAS ONE SHOTS

this is it [angst]

pairing: philip shea x lukas waldenbeck
fandom: eyewitness
word count: 890
prompt: a fight fic (post 1x10).

i was talking to semi_problematic about season two and this happened.

🌾

To: Lukas
We need to talk.

From: Lukas
Be there in 10.

Philip set his phone down next to him on the porch, staring down at his hands as he rocked back and forth in a chair. He stared off past the mailbox, gaze remaining unfazed as the front door creaked open. He still stared forward even after the seat next to him became occupied. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a long while before Helen spoke.

"Hey," Her voice was soft and at first it was unsettling but Philip soon found comfort in it, closing his eyes and exhaling. "What're you doing out here all by yourself?"

Philip gave it some thought, even though it wasn't necessary. He knew why he was outside and it wasn't to bask in the ambiance of Tivoli. "Thinking." He reopens his eyes and takes a moment to glance around and then over at Helen who smiled softly.

"Mhm. What about?"

"About Lukas, our relationship. I'm gonna end it." He's stared down at his hands again, a sensation of guilt washing over him.

"Any particular reason why?" Helen asked with a grimace, nimble fingers pushing stray hair away and out of her eyes.

"I don't want him thinking I'm some charity case or a burden and if he doesn't feel it now he will eventually. I'm just sparing us both the time and ending it now." Philip responded, sounding way too sure of himself, making it quite obvious that he had been thinking about it for a lot longer than implied.

"I know as your foster mother I'm supposed to support your decisions, but have you thought about how this will affect Lukas? Does he get a say?" He nodded slowly, but it wad a lie. He didn't think about considering how it would affect Lukas nor did he want to think about it. He worried his opinion would change and this was a necessary evil. He didn't have time to respond as they heard the familiar rumble of an engine speeding down the gravel road, turning quickly into the driveway of the Caldwell-Torrance residence.

Helen saw that as her cue to head back inside, not before shooting Philip a sympathetic look. Philip's eyes softened as Lukas came to a stop and pulled off his helmet, bringing his foot back to reach the kickstand and push it to the ground. "What's up? Why did you wanna talk?" Philip got up from his chair, leaving his phone where it rested on the glass table in between seats.

"You wanna walk?" He suggested, trying to maintain his composure as he met his boyfriend –soon to be ex– on the lawn, allowing Lukas to press a quick peck to his cheek, arm wrapped loosely around his shoulders.

"What's going on?" Lukas asked again causing Philip to look up at him.

"I have something I need to talk to you about, and it's not going to be easy to say." Philip began as Lukas continued to stare. A lump formed in his throat but he forced it down and began to speak again. "Lukas, these last few months have been amazing and I appreciate that with everything I have, but I can't continue to try and fool myself any longer." Philip lied, knowing how he felt about Lukas. The love was still there and evident but he tried his best to conceal it.

"What are you saying?"

"I can't continue to pretend that everything is fine around me, like you don't pity me or think I'm a burden. Sure, you might not feel that way now, but what about a month from now, or a year, or 5 years, 10 years! I know how this goes, and I know that you won't stay."

"What are you saying?" Lukas pulled Philip's arm so he came to a full stop, staring up with tears in his eyes. "Why the hell would I think that? What, because of everything that happened with your mom and you being depressed? Because I take care of you, and want to? Philip, I'm your boyfriend and you're mine. That's what we do, we take care of each other when the other is feeling shitty."

"It's just facts, Lukas." Philip whispered, voice straining from the urge he could feel coming.

"No, Philip, these are the facts. I love you and want to be there for you-"

"I just know you'll think i'm a burden eventually."

"Goddamn it, Philip! Don't you get it? I am in love with you. I wouldn't trade you for anything in this goddamn world. I understand how it is to feel unwanted and a burden to the people around me and I don't hate you, I could never." Lukas saw a few stray tears slip from behind Philip's closed eyelids, stepping closer and cupping his cheeks in his hands. "I love you, Philip Shea. I will never grow bored of you, that seems impossible." Philip opened his eyes again and smiled sadly when Lukas slid the pads of his thumbs underneath his eyes, catching the tears that fell.

"I love you too, Lukas Waldenbeck. Please never grow bored of me."

"Never."