Suicide, my sweetheart.

entry four

I just got back from the funeral. my wife and my unborn child...dead. I can't stand this anymore. i can't stand the pain, the loneliness...nothing will ever be the same...

  I opened the window of my bedroom slowly, loosening my tie a bit and crawling out onto the ledge, it was a long way down. i took a deep breath and closed me eyes...i let go of the ledge, i let go of my life, my friends, my relatives, everything. i didn't care, all i wanted was Cedar. it felt like i was flying for a brief moment, the wind in my hair, the nothingness below me. it felt wonderful, i opened my eyes and looked around. you know, everything looks so mesmerizing when you're falling. it was peaceful and relaxing, i almost forgot i was about to die...then...everything went black. everything felt cold and silent. it felt as if my body had turned to ice, as if my blood were snow and my skin the cold metal of cars in which have been left in the cold for weeks. it felt awful...the silence was harsh, able to drive someone to insanity. then, feeling faded. i felt nothing, i thought nothing, i knew nothing...i was nothing...