Closure

Ch.4

     Today was the day. The first day I tell Ms. Peony about Brady and I. I honestly thought it wouldn't be stressful considering its been already a solid four months. 

     "Hello Amber, its nice to see you again" Ms. Peony started. "Lets get started with how that relationship went, okay?"

     "Sure." I said very hesitantly. I didn't exactly want to talk about him because I knew I would be stuck on thinking about him for a while.

     "So, this relationship started December 23rd last year. Mind telling me how this came about?" Ms. Peony asked.

     "Yeah. Um, so I have an old friend, Fjeran, who goes to West Canyon High now but he used to go to Cedar Ridge High. He met Brady, my ex, because he had moved out here from Idaho. Brady was single at the time and he was looking for a relationship. So Fjeran decided to hook us up because he claims that we are the same person, however I don't break up with a girl out of the blue and leave her high and dry." I said annoyed "Anyways, I don't remember what night it was but it wasn't too long before him and I got together, it was one night durning winter break when we started talking. Soon it flowered into a relationship." I had explained. 

     "So, what made you have feelings for him? How long was it until you realized you even liked him or loved him?" She continued to question.

     "Well, it was by the second or third day that I started to like him. We talked nonstop and everything he was telling me about himself was all I really ever asked for in a guy. He was a total sweetheart, loving, great taste in music, buff, taller than me, athletic, he was everything. And I loved it. I fell in love with him a few days after we were together and I felt like it was too soon but damn, he was just. Everything. Only reason why I despise him now is how he was a total dick wad when we broke up. I'm not in love with him anymore, just a small feeling of attraction because of who he is as a person. Only thing I'm hung up about is how it ended between us. He keeps changing his story and its frustrating." I said with blank emotion.

     "Okay, we'll get to that after you explain the duration of this relationship. I don't think we'll have enough time today to finish but I would like you to tell me as much as you can. Tell me about the similarities concerning music." She continued 

     "Oh, well I remember when we first started talking he was down in San Francisco and I told him about Height and Ashbury street and how those streets were the start of the hippie nation. I told him I was a hippie, which I am. I told him I was completely in love with the 50's through the 90's genre of music. He said he liked The Beatles and then we started talking about so many bands and music groups. I told him how I love Aerosmith, Led Zepplin, The Rolling Stones, Weezer, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Muse and all these other alternative bands. Him and I fueled each other when it came to music. It was fucking rad. I remember he said he was really into Jimmy Eat World, Dashboard Confessional, REM, Postal Service, Red Hot Chili peppers as well. Just bands that are deeper into the alternative genre. Surprisingly, I didn't listen to any of the bands he likes when we broke up. It was when I was starting to be better again is when I listened to those bands and I'm not gonna lie their pretty good. I just appreciated the fact that him and I were both musically inclined people and we both liked to sing, play instruments, listen  and appreciate new and old music. Its too bad it had to end. I don't think I miss the relationship part as much as I miss being able to connect with someone on a whole new level where they understand everything I say and go through." I said " I miss that.... I really do. And its hard because he wont talk to me about it... I don't know what he's so afraid of."

     "So you've tried to contact him?" Ms. Peony asked.

     "Yes, I have. Multiple times. I texted him on his birthday but he blocked my Instagram soon after. I don't mean to come off as desperate at all. I just thought him and I are friends. Or, were friends. Last time I talked to him was during the track season because I reached a personal record and I wanted to tell him about it and he told me how he hit benching four hundred pounds finally. I was proud of him. After I said 'congrats!!' he never responded. And that was the last I had heard from him. So, its kind of a lost cause now. Theres no way I can really contact him. I don't know if he blocked my number though. I'm pretty sure he did. I've wanted to talk to him though just to catch up. I still worry about him because I still see him as a friend. And of course if you don't talk to a friend for a while you start to worry. Especially since I know how his family is, his parents don't treat him the best. His dad slaps him. His parents judge him on his weight and just his body in general. I always told him things to try and make him feel better but I don't think it processed through in his mind." I said sadly.

     "What would you tell him? If you remember, that is." Ms. Peony continued.

     "Well, I would always tell him that he is perfect to me. No matter what his parents said that isn't what I saw. What I saw in him was a perfect gem that didn't need any altering in any way. I told him that I wished his parents and grandparents saw him like how I did. Perfect and beautiful just the way he is. He's an extraordinary person, so it bugs me on how anyone would want to change him. I wished that what I had said to him would have stuck in his mind so he would appreciate it and know that he isn't what his parents say he is. Not everyone has the same perspective but in some cases I wish they did, at least the positive perspectives like the one I had on him. His parents were so judgmental. Thats one thing I didn't like. I just wish he couldn't go through that. If I had the ability to take his place when it came to his parents, I wouldn't hesitate to do so. And I don't say that because I still like him, I don't. I say that because I still truly care about him and the fact that theres a little part in my heart that loves him platonically is surprising after the way he broke me." I said as I started to tear up. I looked at the time and just walked out of my therapist's office, I was five minutes over time with my appointment. I left without saying goodbye because I didn't want to sit in there crying. It just gets hard when I have to answer those questions, I get so passionate about them. It just feels better to get it off my chest I suppose. I didn't know that I still cared that much.