After Everything We've Been Through (Sequel to after newyork)

Bottom Less Pit

I don't have that feeling as if I'm drowning anymore, I know it for a fact that I'm drowning, I'm Suffocating and about to black out cause I've been down there to long. We've seen this with me before that I got depressed and I was at an all time low, but I always got better but I don't think I will this time. You might not see it as bad as I do, but everything I've been through I can't forgive and forget, it doesn't work that way for me. It stays on my mind forever , 24/7,it never goes away. I look at Bailey and it all goes away finally but only for a second before I feel miserable again, not wanting to do anything but I know I have to, to not worry fans or family even though they can see right through me. It's hard being this way but it's who I am, picking or choosing to go or stay, right now going is out weighing staying. But what if I do go, what's going to happen, to not only bailey but the curly haired boy I'm in love with, I've tried going out of the bottomless pit but it's in the name, bottomless pit. It's scaring knowing I have these thoughts, they crowd my mind and scare me and the people around me. I look at what I've done to myself, what my life is it all makes me scream, I wanna scream out for help but how can someone help me if I can't help myself. How can they?. As I stand in the shower, well more like sit at the bottom, I run my hands over my scared filled thighs , some still sting as the hot water runs down my legs in little droplets and seep into the deep cuts. People don't realise them only cause I cover them up and there higher up on my legs also I never mention them, well intill now. When I get out of the shower I just sit on my floor wrapped up in a towel. Not wanting to move or do anything, I hear a knock on the door but I just yell out it's open, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and see Jack starring at me. Wondering what I'm doing or why I'm going it, he sits down next to me and puts an arm around my shoulder and I rest my head on his.

"What's wrong b"

"The world "

"What can I do to make it better"

"Nothing " I look into his eyes.

"Please don't go down that road, I need you, I love you, I trust you and the strength you have will get you through this B"

"I want to believe you so much but I can't, I'm sorry"

"Don't apologise, because you've done nothing wrong and your not going to do anything, I won't let you" he lets a tear slip, as I wipe it away with my thumb.

"Please don't cry, it won't make it any easier" I whisper as I place my forehead to his.

"Don't do anything you'll regret, please, think of Bailey she'll need you, is this what your mum and Dad would have wanted, is this really what you want?"

"I don't know, I just want berthing to go away Jack"

"I can't take you away from everything this time, but I will never leave you Bella, please don't leave me."

Jack's POV

The words she's saying and the why she's saying it, its different to last time, this time she sounds like she means it. It's scarring me and I don't know what to do or what to say. She's trying to push me away so it doesn't hurt her as much, but it will hurt everyone around her, she's been so good uointill now. What brought this on?, was it me or Daniel, or those bloody magazines, it was all of us, wasn't it?

How can you save someone when they can't even save themselves, it makes everhting harder, but no matter hard it is I will never give up on her, like I said when I first met her when she was crying and I said she was beautiful when she cried and I would never mined, I still don't mined when she crys. But I'm scared of what she's crying about and the thoughts that are going through her mind. How do you do something when there no answer?. I wrote her a song a little while ago but I don't think it will help but I'll do anything to ease the pain.

"Are you thinking about the song you wrote me?"

"How do you know about that"

"I saw it, but I didn't read the lyrics, you wrote it two years ago but you never sang to me. Can you sing to me?"

"I'll get a guitar, you go get dressed" I get up and walk into her home studio grab a guitar and walk back upstairs to see Bella now dressed, with an over sized band tee and pj shorts on. I sit on her bed and start playing

You fall to the floor again
Won't stop you feeling
That no one understands
The pain you carry in your hands

You tried to let it out
Red tears come pouring down
You've cut off everyone you love
It stings as you regret
No way that you'll forget
If you do it time and time again

I'll erase your scars

Stay strong
Stay strong
So you feel like you're lost
But you're not a ghost
You're not alone
And I see your heart the way it glows
Every knife back you take life gets harder to face
Stay strong
I'll be your rock, I'll be your hope
Love you through your skin and bones
When you're losing hope
Stay strong

Your reflection feeds a flame
Self worth burns away
Rekindle what you are
The past won't get you far
Throw all your doubt into the fire

I'll erase your scars

Stay strong
Stay strong
So you feel like you're lost
But you're not a ghost
You're not alone
And I see your heart, the way it glows
Every knife back you take life gets harder to face
Stay strong
I'll be your rock, I'll be your hope
Love you through your skin and bones
When you're losing hope
Stay strong

Bandages fix the surface
(Stay strong)
But I'll be the blood circling in you
(Stay strong)
Won't let you escape yourself
Hold you together I will
(Stay strong)
I will, I will
Erase your scars

Stay strong
I will
Erase your scars

Once I finish the song, Bella's crying, which makes me cry and I rarely ever cry. I wrap her in my arms and lay under the sheets.

"I missed this "

"Me too" I kiss her forehead. When Bailey comes walking in with her pjs and her teddy bear, climbing into bed with us. Cuddle into the other side of me. It's still early in the morning so that's why.

"Is daddy back now, for good" she asks hopeful.

"Hopefully" bella says. We all cuddle up with each other and fall back asleep. This just how it use to be and I want it to stay that way.

Hey it's me, I know I've been gone for awhile but I've been working on chapters for you guys, and I'll never just end the book without finishing it either so don't worry about that. I also just want to thank you all for reading, commenting and showing me the love and support I don't get from other people, your comments really do mean a lot to me and I love reading them also. You guys are the reason I keep writing and try to be happy even when I can't, I appreciate you all so much and I think you should know that, there will be an update tomorrow as well so you won't have to wait long. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please keep voting and commenting they mean the world, I love you all and intill next time

Bye for now❤️❤!!!