Regret

7. With The Power To Shape Your Day

When she looks up, she sees a white ceiling.

For a moment, she wishes she was the ceiling. Just for a moment. Then she wouldn't be feeling this immense pain.

A shooting pain kicks through her body an she throws her head back. Someone grabs her hand and squeezes. When she opens her eyes, she can see him standing there with a goofy looking hospital hat on his head. She wants to laugh at him, but around five people are all telling her to push and right now she thinks she might just push out everything that's in her body.

Is she ready?

No. She isn't. She doesn't wish for her daughter to be born this way, into this family. She knows her daughter will have an awesome dad, even if he isn't her biological dad, but what about her mom?

In the back of her mind, she can see her pushing out a baby that's an exact replica of him. She can see her having to nurse this baby, having to give this baby everything and in return she gets a constant reminder of that night. Of his hands. Of his sick smile.

She pushes. She can feel something pop, like a balloon. Someone yells.

She thinks back to yesterday, to when she stood in her daughters room, staring at the yellow walls and the crib. She touched the picture frame she's going to put a picture of her daughter in, maybe curled up next to her husband. And she's told herself she's not going to think about him.

That was a lie. Not even twenty-fours and here she is, thinking of him.

Another person yells. He lets go of her hand and it falls to her side limply.

The week before that, they settled on a name. Something simple, but adorable.

It came to her when they were eating breakfast at a cute little restaurant near where he works. She had used her napkin so many times that day because there was a pancake buffet and she wasn't leaving until she was certain she was full. Then the name came to her and she scribbled it down between a syrup stain and a grease stain.

He immediately loved it the moment he read it out-loud, and then from then on, the baby in her stomach had a name.

She thought about her daughter growing up. How she was going to strong, smart. She's going to live a life that won't be filled with regrets.

The hand that fell to her side was picked up. A soft object got laid on her chest.

And then, a wail.