Change Me •Ethan Dolan•

One

I hate when you say youre tired or youre in pain and some stupid old person says "You dont know what being tired is." Or "Youre not old enough to feel pain." Pain isnt determined by age, and being tired isnt determined by experience. Just like positive things arent found by negative people, like me, or negative things arent found by positive people. Finding good things in life is hard if youre not happy, and if you dont have anything, or finding joy in the color of someones eyes or just their eyes in general is hard if you see the world in black in white. Its hard to dance to your music if you only listen to sad songs that relate to your life, or to stay motivated everyday if your days are focused on death, when its coming, and how it happens. If you havent gotten the hint, this is my life. I have nothing but my one bestfriend begging me to stay alive cause "things will get better". His name is Jack. And we are currently living together because my parents kicked me out cause basically, Im too unstable. Jack graduated last year but Im still a junior in highschool, so he works almost all day everyday to keep us in our small one bedroom apartment with little food on the table. "Lea, Im sorry I know I said Id get the day off so we could spend time together, but my work called me in I cant get off." he said running his hand through his hair, "Jack i-its fine we can just hang out another time." I said reassuringly, but I was actually upset cause this is the third time he got called in after he promised to stay home. "Ill be home at six, we could go to that party at Aarons house?" He said, but I know he was asking me to go, "Jack you know I hate parties." I whined, "I know, Lea, but please I havent been to a party in forever..." He begged, I sighed "Fine I'll see you when you get home." I groaned and hugged him, "Hey im going to bring some friends is that fine?" He asked, "Jack youre nineteen im not your mom." I laughed and he smiled, his dimples showing "Well I wanted to make sure it was okay with you." He laughed, "Yes Jack I dont really care, now go before youre late!" I said rushing him out the door. When he left I frowned, the only reason Im going is for the alcohol, and not actually for Jack. The only time Jack lets me drink is at parties, cause when I was aloud to drink at home Id always be drunk with large bottles under my bed, so Jack wouldnt let alcohol in the house anymore. Im also sure thats why hes going too, but im not going to think much about it. I went to my room then laid on my bed and looked over to my board with my pictures of Jack and I when we were younger, happier. And I saw a picture but it was tucked behind the others, I got up then went to my pictures and grabbed the picture behind the others. It was a picture of Jack and I's family, I remember taking the picture, It was my tenth birthday party and we all stood together and I smashed a cupcake on Jacks nose so he covered my face in icing, so it was a big group of people with two kids covered in icing at the front. I smiled at the memory then put the picture back and layed back on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling, theres nothing up there, but I just stared and thought,

Would things be different if I was dead?

I dont think they would. Jack wouldnt have to work as much, he'd have more room in the apartment, and he could hang out with his friends whenever. Theres no down side, but Jack would revive me then kill me again i know that. I sighed and eventually felt myself doze off.
~
"Yea Ill be right back im just going to check on Lea in the room..." I heard Jack say, then I heard the door open, "Hey Lea you awake?" He whispered to me, "Barely." I mumbled and he laughed softly, "Can you give me  a piggy back?" I asked him, "Sure." He said, and I rolled over then stood up and jumped onto Jack's back. I layed my head on Jacks shoulder and closed my eyes, "By the way my friends Ethan and Grayson are here." He informed, I groaned in response "I didnt know you had friends." I mumbled through my tiredness, and I heard snickers from behind me, Jack just shook his head, but I opened my eyes and looked behind me to see...twins? "Whoa thats trippy..." I kind of slurred, "What?" Jack asked, "I just woke up, and that tripped the hell out of me I thought I was seeing double for a second, you couldve said 'hey by the way Ethan and Grayson are twins'." I said causing everyone to burst out laughing. "What?" I asked, clearly confused of what was so funny, "You!" Jack said through his laughter, "Anyways go get ready for the party prettygirl, cause it starts at nine." Jack said fixing himself a drink as I watch him over his shoulder, "I need help..." I whined, "With what!" He asked shockingly, "Fashion, Jack I have nothing good for parties." I complained, "Yes you do! What about the black dress with a bow I bought you!" He pointed out, "Oh yea.... I forgot about that, and its like brand new Ive never worn it." I laughed a little bit, "Then go girl." Jack said doing the best dramatic girl voice he could, I laughed and hopped off his back. I went to my side of the closet to find the black dress. "Ah ha there you are." I said pulling the dress off the hanger, this dress was beautiful, it was absolutely perfect and I remember when Jack surprised me with it. I stripped myself from my clothes and put the dress on, forgetting about the zipper, I sighed "Jack!" I yelled, "What now!" He yelled back, "Zipper!" I yelled back, and I heard him laugh. He came in and zipped the dress up for me, and then got my hair curler out.
~
I finished getting ready, and patted down my dress to get anything off of it and put on black heels. I walked out of the room to see all three boys sitting on the couch watching tv turn their attention to me. "Ow Ow!" Jack yelled causing me to laugh, One of the twins whistled, I bit my lip and looked away from the floor to see the other twin staring at me while biting his lip, our eyes locked and I quickly looked away after a couple of seconds. "Jack I dont know...." I said getting an uneasy feeling, my confidence out of nowhere just died in point two seconds, "Aw come on Lea you look amazing." He smiled showing his adorable dimples. "I think im just gonna go in the ro-" I said but Jack cut me off, "Lea, I know what youre doing and its not working come here." He demanded, I shook my head "I-Im not doing anything I just wanna go to the room." I said then turned around and walked into the room, closing the door behind me, "Lea...." I heard him say, but I ignored him and sat on my bed, I put my head in my hands and sighed.
~
"Bro look at how big his house is!" One of the twins said to the other, "You ready?" Jack whispered to me, "Am I ever ready?" I whispered back to him, "Sorry." He whispered back, I shook my head, the looks of this place gives me anxiety. We got out of the car and walked up to the house, there was already drunk teenagers every where.

This isnt a good idea.

My conciense said to me. I agreed, but I told Jack Id go with him. We walked into the house and the smell of weed and alcohol hit me. It didnt affect me cause I used to smell it all the time. But it didnt take me long to think, this isnt going to go well at all.
~~~
Heyyyy, so I got to ten chapters on Lucky so here I am first chapter of a new book.
~C