Dead Days

Chapter 2

     I open the door to my 2004 BMW 3 series and start the engine, put it in reverse and back out of my drive way. I flick on the radio and skim through the channels. Nothing really good is on, but then I come across this news channel.

     "...rising after being shot point blank in the chest from a twelve gauge." The reporter says, "the attacker was unconscious for around five minutes, paramedics were assessing the situation when the attacker bit one of the paramedics on the neck. The attacker then rose and attempted to bite another paramedic but was shot by a nearby police officer, and then subdued. The paramedic is now in critical condition in the ICU." I flicked the radio off.
    
     "Probably just another crack addict on the verge of overdosing." I said to myself.

     "But overdosing doesn't mean that you can live after a point blank shot from a twelve gauge. Police carry buckshot in their shotguns. From point blank the spread wouldn't have gotten very dispersed. It'd be like taking a shot from a rail gun through the chest." I contemplated.

     "What the fuck was wrong with him?"
I brush the topic from my mind, it really wasn't worth my time. I pull into the therapists building and walk in.

     "Good morning, Avery." I say to the secretary. She moves her brunette hair out from in front of her eyes. "I'm here to see Dr. Hope. As always." I say, and roll my eyes.

     "Right, she's down the hall on the left, Mr. Stanley. As always." She says playing along. I give her a smile and head down the hall. Her door was open. I walk in and knock on the frame.

     "Jack, here." I say.

     "Ah, Jack. Come in, have a seat. How've you been?" She says raising her glasses to get a better view of me. I walk into her office, decorated with pictures of her family on beige colored walls. Her furniture all a deep brown.

     "I've been better, but, I guess I'm okay. The past six months have been pretty hard without her. The house is never really clean anymore. She used to always say a clean house is a happy house, but I'm not happy so why should the house be clean?" I ask her rhetorically.

     "Any nightmares?" She asks.

     "No, not since last time, but her picture does bring back memories from that day."

      "I understand it holds sentimental value, Mr. Stanley, but it may be time to let it go. That may be the one thing tethering you to the past." I let out a long sigh.

     "You may be right, doctor, but that's just not something I'm ready for. That picture was taken right after the first time I told her I loved her." I say looking at the floor. "I did love her. I loved her with everything that I had in me." The tears started to come. "But that everything wasn't enough to save her." A single tear fell from my cheek.

     "Jack, you're a great man, you did all that you could to help those people."

     "I didn't do enough. I could've found a way to stop him. I could've saved her and the three others that died. I could've stopped the other 5 from getting injured. A little girl lost her right arm and two fingers on her left hand, Hope. A little girl." My breathing becomes heavy.

     "Jack, over the past six months that I've come to know you, I've seen a tremendous change. You came into my office on the first day looking like a wreck. You were on the verge of suicide. You didn't say that you were, but you didn't have too. You were dead on the inside. Now, I'm almost ready to give you the okay to join the police force again."

     I look up at her. "I don't want the police force back, Hope. I want the love of my life back. I want Lauren back."

     "I have a strong sense of empathy for you, Jack. I do. All I can do is assure you that with time, all wounds will heal, physical and mental."

     "Can I go now, doc? I think I need to get some air." I asked. She simply nodded and pointed to the calendar on her wall for the next appointment.

     I walked out and said bye to Avery. I opened my car door and climbed in. I grab the steering wheel and squeeze it until my knuckles start to turn white.