A whole PILE of things!

(2015) The Puppeteer

You think you do. But you don't. You see me, and think that what you see is what you get, and you are wrong.

I am not, and will never be, who you see.

You see me as strong, immovable, brilliant, smart, kind,and at times, quite beautiful.

But what you see is not what you get. In fact, it is no where near the truth.

Inside, I hurt. Inside, I cry. I scream. Want to escape this torturous lie.

Because that is what all of this is. A lie. An artfully woven, beautifully intricate, lie. Spun and woven to suit those around me. You like me now? When I am not who I wish to be? When I act as a puppet, before the Puppet Master's strings? Playing to what they say, what they expect, what they wish? You like that? That I am as fake as your "gods", and fur on your coat?

I crave reality. Only with a chosen few, am I true. Not a turtle, hiding in its shell, but a human being. One connected, alive, joyful, happy, sad, real, and ME. You think I am cruel at times, but really I am expressing. Expressing my hatred, my disdain and utter hopelessness at what I am driven to become with you. You, the watcher. You, the captor. YOU. The thorn in my side, of whom I hate and will for never strive. NEVER strive to be you. At least, I wish. But really, I do. I strive to be - YOU.

It's not fair.I never said it was. Yet here I am. I speak out now, in the hope that you will see. That what you do, and want, and say,affects me. I can only be myself around a chosen few. One is a cookie, one is tree,another a shoe. I speak in riddles, in rhyme, know nothing of time. I do things, see things, on my own terms. But not with YOU. With you I am a lie. All I am, how I am, how I try to be. This simple thing, this dreadful life, how could you not see? I am not me, not now, not with you, nor my family.

Ah. My family. The group of few, of whom I knew, would one day hate me. And so it has come. That horrid day, the day against which I prayed, to the gods, myths,mortals and the like. That day has come.

And that day, this day, I wished to end my life. To end this strife. This deadly way of life. That day, is today. This, this is not what you expect. But what you expect, is hardly ever what you get.