Winter Kisses (Bullet For My Valentine)

You Are Not

After The Concert

I sat awkwardly on the couch which was placed neatly in the corner of the Bullet guys dressing room. Padge had just come into the room and Bella had gotten to surprise him like she had wanted to.

Of course he had said his hello's to me and hugged me like he always did, but now I was left sitting on the opposite side of the room to them, waiting for the other three to come back, while I tried to ignore the sight of my sister making out with her man.

Not easy.

I decided I should probably mentally go over some of the things I was going to have to say to Matt when I actually plucked up the courage to tell him, and with the way Bella was talking, we weren't just staying for one day, so I had plenty of time.

Hey Matt, so eh remember that night we fucked? No that sounded to forward...

So Matt, you know what night we... did it? Well I'm pregnant... No still too straight to the point, I need to tell him in a subtle way...

Matt do you... Before I could practice anymore my thoughts were stopped by the sound of three voices shouting and laughing as they traveled closer to us.

''Holy fuck! Lizzy, how are you?'' Moose beamed as he ran over to me and along with Jay, give me the tightest hug I think I've ever had.

''I'm fine guys, you were fantastic out there!'' I laughed bumping knuckles with Jay as I said so.

''We know.'' Padge joked smugly, apparently finished with their make out session for now... the pair came walking over to the rest of us and did the same introduction as usual.

''Hey.'' Matt spoke quietly to me.

We had been in the dressing room with the guys for at least half an hour. But it was only now that everyone else was deep in conversation, that he had gotten the courage to talk to me.

I guess part of me actually knew that he remembered that night, because for the few days he was actually around after it happened he was unusually quiet around me. He didn't go to any of the clubs or pubs like the rest of us had, I guess that was to save me the embarrassment.

''So how have you been?'' He asked giving me a small smile. ''You know, since we went on tour?'' He spoke quickly, almost making himself trip over his own words.

What did he mean by that? Did she tell them that she thought I was sick? Did she tell him I was pregnant already?

No, I was probably just being paranoid. I put all my thoughts and worries to the back of my mind and decided to just have a normal chat with him.

''I've been good, well of course I've missed you guys.'' I chuckled at the smile that appeared on his face with the second half of my sentence.

''Of course you did, who wouldn't?'' He joked nudging my shoulder with his own.

''What'll it be then little one?'' Moose laughed asking what drink I wanted. We were all now sat around a small table in some Scottish bar that I couldn't quite pronounce the name of.

''Just get me a coke yeah?'' I said quietly hoping the others wouldn't hear and have the same reaction my best friends had had at school the other day.

''Jack and coke it is!'' He smiled his cheesy smile at me.

''Moose, just coke okay?'' I chuckled trying to persuade him not to buy me alcohol.

''Here Moose, I'll give you a hand.'' Bella winked at me, thank god for sisters.

''So kiddo, what's new?'' Jay asked over his fresh pint which Moose had just plonked in front of him, spilling it slightly.

It was usual for them to call me little one, kiddo and all sorts of names like that, I suppose it came with being the youngest in their group. Not that I minded though.

''Fuck all,'' I sighed, I really wish I could tell them, I know they'd be supportive, but Matt deserves to know first, fuck knows how long he's going to need to come to terms with it.

''I heard you're being pulled out of school?'' Padge asked grabbing Matt's, who had been sulking in the corner of our booth all night, attention.

''She's what? Why?'' Matt questioned, a look of distress on his face. I suppose I should have known he'd have this sort of reaction, ever since Bella and I moved to Wales he's taken on the overprotective role on me. But it is nice to know he cares, in a way.

''She's done her exams, what fucking more does she need?'' Bella laughed sitting back down beside Padge.

''Well cheers to that!'' Moose yelled as everyone clinked glasses, all except Matt who went back to his little mood.

I can't wait to see how much that mood worsens when I tell him...

''What's up with Matt tonight?'' I asked Jay quietly as me and Bella hauled our suitcases onto the bus.

''Here let me do that.'' Matt smiled taking my case from me. I jumped a little as he spoke, seeing as I hadn't realised he had been behind us.I thanked him before letting my grip fall from the bags.

''You know the party you two had a while back?'' Jay whispered out of earshot from Matt.

''Apparently he fucked some bird, hasn't been the same since.'' He sighed shaking his head as we walked onto the bus.

Was that good or bad? Was I just some bird to him?

''Do you have any extra bunks or are we sharing with you fuckers?'' Bella asked as we all plonked down on various couches and seats in the front lounge of the bus.

''Well you can share with me, love.'' Padge smiled sheepishly slinging his arm around my sister.

''No shit Sherlock, but what about Lizzy?'' She chuckled nodding towards me.

''Well I kick in my sleep and Jay snores like nothing you've ever heard before, so Matt can you share?'' Moose asked swallowing two painkillers, to prevent a hangover in the morning I guess. It amazes me how he can't even walk straight when drunk but can manage to remember to take painkillers.

''I do not snore!'' Jay protested.

''Fucking right you do!'' Padge laughed in his silky smooth accent.

I wish my accent was more Welsh, sure it had gotten slightly Welsh sounding over the last few years but I really did admired these four guys accents.

''Do you mind?'' Bella asked Matt, sensing my hesitation to ask.

''Not at all.'' He smiled. ''I'll just move some of the shit out of it first,'' He chuckled before walking up the stairs, presumably to where the bunks were.

''Well we're gonna hit the hay.'' Bella said as she got up soon followed by Padge.

''Have a nice time.'' I whispered to her, she turned back stopping Padge, who was holding her hand from going on any further without her.

''Oh I will!'' She winked at me sticking out her tongue when I pulled a disgusted face.

Please mental images, just fuck off.

''Thanks for this.'' I whispered quietly to Matt as he let me into the bunk ahead of him.

''No problem.'' He said quietly climbing in after me.

''Matt?'' I asked almost silently, maybe it would be easier to just get this out of the way, and let him take it all in sooner than later.

''Yeah?''

I really considered telling him right there and then, but I think it might be a little too soon. I mean not seeing someone for two and a half months, then having to get used to always being around them again is hard enough on it's own without being told you're going to become a fucking father.

''Goodnight,'' I sighed hugging him gently before turning onto my side.

Coward.