Ellucid (Ellucid #1) ★

Twelve

I'm almost afraid to ask what happened as Carolina flips her long black hair over one shoulder and goes back to the huddle. Almost everyone is still staring at me, eyes wide and lips parted. Nobody says a word, and it's so dead quiet that I can hear my own breathing.

Finally, from the center of the crowd, a voice of reason speaks. Marisa. "Gabi's still new to all this," she says, taking the mission folder from Emery. "We can't expect her to adapt to our methods right away. It takes some people more time than others."

I know she's trying to help me, but her words sting me. I'm taking longer than others. Implying I'm weaker, more delicate. Not suited for this type of life.

"I'm sorry," I say, surprised at how clear and steady my voice is. "I panicked. Marisa's right, I'm still adapting. But it won't happen again. I understand how important it is—"

"Nobody asked for a speech." Carolina's lip curls under, exposing flashing white teeth. "Just do better next time."

I fall silent. There's rustling in the crowd as people turn back to each other, whispering amongst themselves.

As Marisa flips through the file, probably trying to figure out how to fix my mistake, Emery slips between people until he's beside me. "I don't blame you," he murmurs, bending his head so that nobody else hears. "It's hard to fight someone who was once your friend."

"What happened?" I ask.

He rubs his nose with the side of his hand. "It's hard to complete that kind of mission by yourself," he explains. "Usually we have one person posted as a lookout while the other does what needs to be done—in this case, searching the apartment. Well, I didn't have a lookout, so I didn't know when Asher and Willa came back to the apartment."

"They were together?" The question isn't even relevant to the conversation, but I can't help that it slips out. It doesn't matter that Asher betrayed me. Vile, foul jealousy still slips through me every time I hear Willa's name.

"Yeah," Emery says. "I couldn't get out in time. Willa grabbed a kitchen knife and..." He trails off, holding up his am. I see a bandage wrapped firmly across his bicep, stark against his dark skin.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be." His usually easy tone is more pinched, but he dismisses the injury. Like this is all in a day's work. "I don't want you to blame yourself, Gabi. You'll have another chance to prove yourself."

I tilt my head in the direction of the crowd, which has thinned but looks no less stressed. "I don't think anyone else agrees with you."

"They're not mad at you. They're mad at Marisa, for putting you in this mission. Think about it, Gabi—it hasn't even been two days since your procedure. And you're still getting over the fact that your childhood best friend tried to kill you."

"He didn't try to kill me." Would he have gone that far? If it had come down to it—if he'd been holding the knife instead of me—what would he have done? Would he have had any regret? I know I can't trust him—that much is obvious no matter how I try to explain all this away—but to go so far as to kill me?

Emery doesn't argue; he just takes my arm and steers me away from the group. "Take a break for the rest of the day," he says. "Stay away from people. Take some time for yourself. Tomorrow, Marisa will probably put you through some more tests, and we can figure out where your powers will be most helpful."

I nod. I want to argue, to tell him I don't need time to recover, but I know I do. It's been a draining day, between almost seeing Asher and running into Nathan on the street. I still don't know whether or not I should tell Emery about that.