Daily Journal of A Highschool Teen

Chapter 3

    I was awoken by my dad tapping at my shoulder and my sister yelling at me to get up. It wasn't a pleasant way to wake me up if I do say so myself, but it did the trick and I was up. Quickly reaching towards my cell phone, I checked the time and noticed it was six pm. That explained why I was so hungry. Usually, my mom would cook and give our family food as soon as she got home from work, which was at four thirty pm, and the latest being five twenty pm. However, as I got out of the car there was a huge change in the weather. It was sunny but cold at my old place but it was sunny, clear, and hot here. The community itself looked peaceful and sub urban compared to the urban and noisiness from the old place. This place was not an apartment but a small house. Off to the side was a side yard that was really a hill and looking closely at it, there were actually some deer off to the side. I have never, in my life, seen deer that up close or in a hill close to where homes are located. I guess you can think of me as a city girl.

    My sister and dad didn't really pay much attention to it and just went on with ignoring the animal. My sister pulled off the "I don't really care unless it does something to me," act and my dad was just like, "Oh look it's a deer, that's cool." So I guess I was the only one who cared and was taken by surprise. My mom was already inside and I told her about the deer, all she said was, "I know, I saw. It scared me when I was hanging the clothes to dry." My dad laughed at my mom's response. "I bet you they are more scared of you than you are of them. Deer are really shy you know." My mom only nodded at his response. It was cracking my sister up as she was imitating my mom and the deer. "Oh my god there's a deer!" She said as my dad joined in. "Oh look! A human I'm going to run!" He stated trying not to laugh. "Let me run first!" My sister said as they both started laughing, my mother, on the other hand just shook her head quietly.

    I only laughed a bit, before going to my assigned room that I shared with my sister. Once I was there I started to clean out my binders and my backpack since I was going to start school on Monday. As I did this millions of questions started running through my head. Questions like, "Would I make friends easily? Would I make a good impression? How will everything go? If I could change anything about myself to fit in, what could that be? Will I fit in? Will my place in the social triangle change or will it drop? WHo do I have to be careful of? Will I be able to detect people as fake as Debbie?" All of these questions caused me to become insecure. I didn't know whether to push these questions to the side or to take a moment and reflect on them. I knew that if I wanted to ask someone, I could text Cynthia or Aria, maybe even Isabela. But I didn't want to bother them with something as useless as this. And it was important for me to answer these but I knew to them it probably would be useless. This was one of my most internal conflicts that I had with myself regularly. Although I trusted easily sometimes I questioned what I would be able to trust people with.

    This was partly due because in the eighth grade Chloe Whitman and Sydney Barrios both hurt me really bad. I remember being in my darkest moment and all Chloe did was abandon me and write on the internet how hopeless and pathetic I was. Sydney had brought me down even further and even caused me to lose even more friends by stating false things. I never imagined she'd stoop that low. During that time I was really scared of being left out and lonely, it was a fear of mine. It made me feel depressed every day and every time I breathed it hurt me. It felt like I was desperately holding onto nothing and just falling into a pit of despair. That is why I refer to eighth grade as my dark times.

    There were, however, bright times in the eighth grade as well. I had actual friends that spent time with me. They helped me get through those moments and the times that we would go to the mall were the best. We would go into a perfume store by the name of Bath and Body Works and spray the second half of the group (which were boys) with feminine perfume. The perfume's would be the testers of course and run out. We were very childish and it saddened me to see how we disbanded at the beginning of the year. These memories, which I have left are the memories that I will always treasure and keep to myself.