Train Track Girls

18 - The State Of Denial

Chapter Song: Bloodstream // Transviolet

Before

Milton joined us for the party November had been arranging our invitation to.

When the bouncer asked for payment at the door, she flipped him off and we walked through. Someone from the crowd said to let us go ahead when he followed us inside.

"Who's party did you say this was?" Milton asked into my ear so that he could be heard over the loud music.

I shrugged.

He said, "It's pretty intense."

It was. It always was.

The walls were washed with neon. We were in the main room, where the music throbbed and a machine was dispensing foam. There were doors and tunnels leading every which way, rooms that led anywhere and everywhere. Lights shot everyone through with color and videos played on the walls. The tickets for this would have been expensive, but our connections had gotten us all a free pass.

"You'll be fine," I said. "If you want something to drink, ask me or November. We'll make sure there isn't anything suspicious mixed in."

He laughed. Then stopped. "Wait, you're serious."

I felt someone's arms circle my waist from behind. "Hi." It was Maryse.

"Let's dance," November suggested, and I saw her fingers tug on Milton's. I wasn't sure how long they'd been there.

Milton said: "I really have no idea how to –"

"Lovely. I get to teach you." She started pulling him away.

"What're you guys going to –" he began to ask Maryse and me.

"Probably get something to drink. Go ahead. We'll find you later." I turned to face Maryse and November pulled him away.

Maryse said, "Riley –"

" – why are you still so sober? No clue. Must be a slow night."

"No. And you sound like a sorority girl."

"Maybe I need to be one."

"Riley –"

"Please." I don't know what I was trying to say, but she did.

She sighed, elbowed someone to her side, and then removed the drinks from their hands when they turned. "Here's to the state of denial."

The State of Denial: Dresses soaked with foam. Hair sticky with sweat. Eyes wide with adrenaline. Legs tired from dancing with strangers. Outside the building ("Where are we now?" [insert giggle]. "I don't know. I don't want to.") Light the sparklers. Light the fireworks. Light the cigarettes I shouldn't have been smoking [insert cough x100].

But even Rome fell.

We were in the bathroom. [insert puke sound]. It was dingy and black with low red light.

There was powder on my finger. I swallowed it with my nose.

"You like Milton," Maryse said, sitting on a closed toilet seat.

I shushed her. She didn't listen.

"I'm in love with November."

I wasn't sure if I was shocked. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I might've known it. "Everyone is in love with November."