Avenger Arising → Bucky Barnes [3]

07|GOLDEN

Bucky sat in one of the two seats in the kitchen, slumped over and groggy with sleep. His hair was tattered and messy, it hadn't been cut in so long his reflection could never be matched with the man from Brooklyn he once was.

He watched her sleep, an emotionless expression on his face as the girl— woman slept soundlessly on his couch. He recognized her but then again, it wasn't hard to forget a face like that. Ally was gorgeous and nobody ever really said that lightly. Though he had forgotten who she was time after time, it was nearly impossible to forget those golden eyes. She had a womanly body now, unlike the still girlish features she once had before he fell off the train all those years ago.

Ally was beautiful. He couldn't deny it. The way she tucked her head into her chest and slept with a hand underneath her cheek, it was so effortless and pretty. Even the Winter Soldier couldn't deny she was perfect.

He shook his head, he wanted to run from her. He couldn't handle the idea of a new form of torture he did not care to admit.

Watching someone he once loved trying to fix him because he was broken and not the man she fell in love with.

He was a murderer.

Bucky cringed, a hand going through his long hair in an attempt to soothe his beating heart. There was a certain amount of tension in the room, even as she slept. He didn't like it, not at all.

A single golden eye opened from the worn couch, then two, then one again. Slowly, Ally adjusted to her surroundings and woke up. "You didn't flee in the middle of the night?"

"No," he responded. "I didn't."

She nodded, "Good."

He waited a moment, wondering if maybe she'd say something more but she didn't. All she did was watch him, a timid look on her face. He knew that look, she was afraid of him; or afraid of what he could do to her if provoked.

"Do you uh," he fumbled with his words. "Want some coffee or something?"

"Coffee would be nice," she told him. "I could make breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"Right," she sat up. "Ex-HYDRA agents don't eat waffles and scrambled eggs."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "It's not that."

"Well tell me what it is," she urged. "We have all day to uncover your deepest darkest secrets which must stem from not eating breakfast."

Again he chuckled, but it felt weird in his throat. "I'm honestly not hungry Ally."

"I'm making breakfast," she moved towards the kitchen, the tile cold on her feet. "It's your choice if you eat or not."

"Is this how things like this normally work?" he questioned. "My doctor passive aggressively telling me to eat breakfast?"

"I'm not sure how this works James," she sighed. "But I'm not giving up until I found out."

"Was that a thing?" Bucky questioned, a coldness in his voice. "When you married Quaker? Breakfast every morning?"

At first, Ally was shocked he had brought up Quincy Taker but then she looked at him with sympathy and realized he was just a man, asking a question. "It took years," Ally admitted, facing him with certainty. "I was well on my way to thirty by the time I had that kind of a connection with him. Did I love him? It was a certain kind of love, definitely, and perhaps it was love because he knew the only person I'd ever be in love with had died. I was a grown woman, people respected me and I went on missions because I knew what I was capable of. There's a certain moment where the mourning stops and it's just a vivid pain in the back of my mind. I didn't want to forget you, never. I named my son after you, Quaker was the most understanding partner I could ever ask for. I was still a girl when you died, barely twenty-three."

"Ally—"

"HYDRA took you away from me when I was engaged to you. I was destroyed. I was a young girl who had lost her entire family before the war even ended and even when I thought the war was over, it wasn't. They killed my son."

Bucky watched her, his chest ready to burst. It was beyond his imagination as to why Ally was still the good guy every time. "I'm sorry."

"So is everyone else. I played the hero when I could and made the world a better place for as long as I could. Then they killed my son, who I birthed myself, who I carried for nine months, who I vowed to never love anything more than the small boy who I would raise to be just like you."

"Thank you," he found himself saying. "For telling me."

Ally hadn't realized the tear falling down her cheek until it fell from her chin and onto the floor. "Well if anyone needs to know stuff from the past, it's you."

"You ran away after that."

"I did," she could tell he was piecing together bits and pieces. "Then I found myself beside Steve again."

"Steve," Bucky tested the name on his lips. "Our best friend."

"You know a lot more than you give yourself credit to," she smiled lightly. "Then we found you."

"I tried to kill both of you."

"Everyone has tried to kill me at one point James," Ally chuckled. "I know you didn't know what you were doing."

"I didn't," he pressed. "It gives me—" he paused, taking a sharp breath.

"You can tell me."

The kindness and genuine care in her voice gave him a comfort he hadn't known for a very long time. "It gives me nightmares."

"It's PTSD," she labeled. "I have it too."

"Sometimes I can't wake up," he shook his head. "Or I won't fall asleep."

"What are the nightmares usually about?" Ally found herself in front of him, kneeling beside his chair as he spoke.

"You," he bit his lip. "Who we were, when I was a kid with Steve, missions we went on, what HYDRA did to me."

The trouble and strain in his voice changed and Ally knew immediately to stop, lucky to even have gotten the slightest bit of information out of him. "I'll find away to make the nightmares stop coming."

"You can't," he breathed. "Not when my biggest nightmare is standing right beside me."

—

Ally hadn't realized the tear falling down her cheek until it fell from her chin and onto the floor. "Well if anyone needs to know stuff from the past, it's you."

A/N: dedicated to bridget who sits in me with math class and demanded I updated. sorry i don't ever update, i promise you i will finish this book. im just so stressed with life and oh my goddddd. I appreciate any of you who still read! comment what you think is gonna happen or any ideas you may have! love you all!