amusement park ♡ soonchan

.:11

It had been almost a month. I was finally past the stage of thinking that this was a horrific nightmare that I would eventually wake up from with a start and a sigh of relief, and the proceeding self-hatred stage for leaving Seungkwan that night was improving with support from friends and family. Nights hadn't significantly changed unfortunately. I hadn't heard from Chan since the zoo date. At first I would call him relentlessly and send him texts begging for him to talk to me. In desperation, I even texted Hansol and Jeonghan about Chan, and unsurprisingly, no response. I contemplated every possible reason for his disappearance. I recalled every last thing I did with him the last time I saw him, and I remembered the kiss. But I must be candid; it was more than one kiss. As much as it pains me to say it, we made out. It may seem like some minuscule thing, but for me, it was everything, because of how badly I wanted him. And he didn't try to stop it, in fact, I could tell he wanted it too, which made me want to rule it out. However, Chan was inexperienced and unfamiliar with that, which brought me to the conclusion that he possibly, deeply regretted it. Perhaps he was indifferent with feelings for me, and wanted space, but it's been a month! At that point I was losing hope of him responding. Every day that he hadn't contacted me felt like a lifetime. It hurt so much, and I could only think about how much I missed him and wanted to see him.

That's what my nights were. Reflecting upon myself and reevaluating everything I did with him. I felt like my mind was completely out of my control. I was constantly either yearning for Chan, or plagued with thoughts of Seungkwan's health. I'm going crazy, I often thought. I couldn't turn off the worry button in my head, and finally be levelheaded. Thus, around eight in the afternoon, I would down two sleeping pills, and within thirty minutes be unconscious. It was a great privilege.

Continually, every weekday, like clockwork, I would drag myself to work at the daycare. However, the director—my boss—noticed my lethargy. "You're taking care of hyper kids, you can't be half asleep," she would nag. Though she had some sympathy for my best friend being in critical condition, that was no excuse to not do my job. Accordingly, I was determined to work through my fatigue. Although now that I look back on it, it was comical that she thought there was any prospect of me falling asleep on the clock, considering those children were wild. They bounced off the walls and pulled on my clothes and my face and begged for food. I was their jungle gym. The sound of their pattering footsteps sprinting across the wooden floors as they excitedly screeched my name and requested dinosaur chicken nuggets when I showed up was forever engraved in my mind.

After work was over everyday, I would drive to the hospital without any second thought. Though I still couldn't see Seungkwan up close, it was comforting and reassuring to see him there, and ever so slightly watch his chest rise and fall. It was painful seeing all the tubes strapped to him, but he was alive. And that's all that mattered to me.

I'd finally ascertained what happened with him. He suffered head trauma, broken bones in his back, three broken ribs and a punctured lung, and not to mention many cuts along his arms and legs from broken glass. He had to breathe through tubes and was inert. And he hasn't quite fully woken up yet, but the nurse said that his condition hasn't worsened, which was a relief. However, long story short, he wasn't supposed to survive that crash. But he marvelously did. Often he was visited by his family and best friend Seokmin, and they would leave him flowers and balloons and cute teddy bears. His bedside table was overflowing with sweet, florid gifts.

One week ago, we received glorious news. Mingyu was finally admitted out of intensive care, and was predicted to only need another month or two in the hospital. It was miraculous that he was so unscathed compared to Seungkwan, despite being struck on the same side as him. We'd been told a hundred times by the doctors that the truck hit the car just perfectly to only break Seungkwan in a thousand places and leave Mingyu fine.