Basically My Feelings

The Beginning

Life sucks. Yeah I said it. I may be a happy go lucky person online but life fucking sucks. Whoever said I wanted to be here or said I was born to fulfill some purpose is just lying to themselves.
I was born in Texas at a little military hospital to...lets call them D and A. Now with D being in the Army right after I popped out of that sack of water my family was deployed to Italy. As far as I remember, our lives were basically a dream come true. To grow up Italian. Not only would I be fat, I'd be fat and happy. I grew a love for the ocean at 5 but D decided he'd get caught with porn on his military computer and was discharged for mental health issues. And thus the dream was shattered. A dragged me and my siblings home where D promptly left and decided to create more spawns of himself. Lovely. And this is where the timeline gets fuzzy. In accounts I've heard my oldest brother was sent to a facility/school in Texas where he would stay till he turned 18, my second oldest brother went to live with my aunt and uncle and I was sent to foster care. But before I lived with the lovely drug-riddled mother called A. Wouldn't know ground stone from Meth if it fell into powder in from of her face. Nor would she have probably care.
That's where the molestation started. Boyfriend to boyfriend lovely A carried me with her and each man...each one put their nasty hands on me. And A never saw any of it. Or she was too high to notice. What a wonderful mother.
Foster care came next after my grandparents found out Mom was usually 24/7 meth dead. And the next wave of trauma. Rejected by every family. Unloved. Unwanted. Because I was too...chaotic. I was not an okay child. I hated people or being around anyone in particular, including friends. I stole food because I was starved. I had a craving for raw meat which disgusted one family to the point they forced me to throw up. Thanks for the burned throat douchebags. But the theft wasn't aimed only at food. Toys. Bags. Candy from the store. I had kleptomania but I'll address that in another diary entry.
Then I finally found a family I wanted to make my own. They gave me everything. Spoiled me. Gave me the love I craved. And...it all fell apart the day I went to meet my new mother and would eventually become the most traumatic 5-6 years in my life. I will continue this in...
                She-Devil In Disguise