Dear Andy, I'm Sorry

Chapter 5

So it's back to Jayy's point of view in this chapter... Sorry I've took so long to upload this but I've had literally NO time :(

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Dear Andy, I'm Sorry - Chapter 5

I woke up in Jake's room on his sofa bed in a panic... Another nightmare. I wasn't surprised after the recent events. I saw a confused Jake looking at me as I put my head back down on the pillow.

"Jayy?" I looked up to see Jake was now stood over me. "Why are you awake at this time?" 

"I could ask you the same question Jake." He just pulled a face. "Truthfully, I had a terrifying dream."

"Awh. Come here baby Biersack." He picked me up and sat me in his bed, giving me a hug in the process. I saw the clock and realised it was 3:49am. Damn it was too early.

Jake was looking at me concerned. I was thinking too much again. I always did when I was tired. I was only thinking about my brother. I didn't want to go through life fighting with him. But that was all we ever did; fight constantly.

"So, what was your bad dream then?" I snapped out of daydreaming to look at Jake.

"Well, I was in this house by myself. There was a knock on the door and I opened it too see Andy. But he wasn't really there in the way that there didn't seem to be anyone inside of him. I looked past him to see many others the same. The worst one was you... You had a boy by the throat and... and..." My voice cracked and I started crying.

"It's fine, it's fine."  He rocked me back and forth on his lap. "I don't know what I did but I swear if it's enough to upset you, I'll never do it." I looked up to see him smiling at me. I smiled back and slowly felt myself falling asleep in his arms.

I woke up later to find I was still in the same place. Jake was awake but barely and it made me laugh to see how much he was trying to stay awake. He noticed me looking at him and acted like he was awake which made me laugh to myself.

"Dude, if you're tired then go back to sleep." He pushed his hair out of his face and smiled.

"You sure?" I nodded and stood up, before walking towards the door.

"I'm going to go annoy Andy anyway." With that I stepped out of his room, shutting the door and crossed the hall, knocking on my brother's door.

The was no reply and I knocked again, but there was still nothing. As I continued to knock, Ashley walked out of his room and over to me. He looked at me confused and I gave him the same look back. We stayed like that for a while until Ashley spoke.

"Why don't you just open the door instead of knocking?" I rolled my eyes.

"Dude, he's my brother. He deserves some privacy!" He put his hand on the handle and started to push it down.

"Well if you won't then I might as well!" He opened the door and looked in before stepping back in horror. "Go downstairs."

"Why?" I stood my ground.

"Seriously! Go downstairs! This is something you don't want to see!" He was shouting and Jake walked out. They whispered to each other and Jake looked inside Andy's room. He looked horrified and picked me up, running downstairs.

I heard loads of commotion and saw paramedics rush in. No one would tell me what was going on though which bugged me. He was MY brother for God's sake! I should be the first to know! I began crying and Jake just hugged me.

We stayed there until there were shouting voices for upstairs. I began to cry much harder until I was completely sobbing. I had been there a while and I heard the voices die down a little. Soon, a paramedic came down the stairs and looked at me and Jake.

"One of you can come with us." I stayed sat down.

"I'll go." I slowly stood up and followed the woman outside and into the back of the ambulance.

I saw my brother lying there lifeless. The only sign he was still alive was a slow and quiet beeping noise. His neck look red and scarred. I then fit the pieces together. I realised what he'd tried to do... He'd tried to hang himself.

We arrived in the hospital and I waited for about an eternity to be called in to see my brother. I finally could and I saw he had come around. I sat beside him and he looked at me. I couldn't look him in the eyes. It was my fault. We'd equally fucked up each other's lives.

"I'm sorry Jayy." I heard my brothers weak voice and looked up from the floor.

"Why Andy?" He looked down and then looked at me.

"Jayy. Everything that's happened in your life that's been fucked up has been my fault!" He started to cry. "I thought that if I was no longer around then you'd be alright... Because I'd no longer be there to fuck things up. I'm sorry. I can't stress that enough. It was a stupid thing to do... I'm so sorry!"

I threw my arms around my brother and we pretty much cried on each other. I managed to stop but Andy couldn't. He was the worst when I had to leave for the end of visiting hours. I went straight home and sat down on Jake's sofa bed. The guys tried to cheer me up but it seriously wasn't working.

"How about, we go to see one of your favourite people?" I gave CC a questioning look.

"Who do you mean?" He sent me a creepy smile.

"Matt... Duh!" He pulled a face and I pulled one back before getting up and grabbing my things...

The next week was going to be weird and horrible without Andy around the house.