Once I get home, I change into comfortable clothes. Downstairs we have a treadmill, I go down and figure out how to use it. I also text Conner and send a picture of it to Grace, I told her I want to run/walk five miles by the end of tonight. She cheers me on but still says that she will win the games.
I turn on the treadmill and begin at a walk, for the first mile I just walk then I jog the next two, and then full out run the last two. After my long run, I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower and take a super long shower. My whole body aches.
DAY FIFTEEN:
Height: 5'1
Weight: 155 lbs
Food I've ate today: Three rice cakes, instant oatmeal, ice cream, banana, pasta
Conner didn't text me at all today we got into a fight yesterday about Gabe, and I'm afraid that it was just all an act. The liking me, the wanting to be with me. I hate this, I hate feeling so stupid that we might've actually had something. I ate so much I feel disgusting. Today Olivia asked me if I wanted to go out of town with her for the weekend. It would be away from Conner but I'm actually okay with that. I look in the mirror one last time before I leave for school today, today is Thursday and I am leaving tomorrow right after school for Miami. Conner won't care probably.
I text my mom telling her the plan even though she won't care.
I'm always cold anymore.
I can tell I'm losing weight. Its great, I look so much better. I feel so much better
DAY TWENTY:
Height: 5'1
Weight: 152 lbs
I can't track food anymore because its not much. I keep getting bloated. It makes me feel disgusting. I want to win these games so much and so far I am winning. Olivia is struggling because her parents are watching her. My eyes lack the light, they used to hold. I can't take pictures anymore. Conner smiles at me politely and then walks past like always. He never talks to me. I stand at my locker today, and packing up my things wonder silently why he just dropped me. I wonder if it is because I am too fat for him. I feel too fat. Even for myself. I'm so nasty, how could anyone love me when I look this fat. Its no longer just a game.
I want him to notice me. Want him to come back over and hold me. I want to laugh with him and have him love me like I love him.
What happened:
"Cora you look terrible. You aren't eating are you?" Conner asks me.
"Yes I am Conner mind your own damn business" I snap, this has been going on for days, we eat. Well he eats lunch while I sit there and we just left the lunch room. We now, are walking down the hallways of the school with everyone watching him yelled at me. Everyone can hear him yelling at me. "You're fucking lying. I know you are. I heard your fucking little game with Olivia. You're sick all of you. You're going to hurt yourself. I thought you were a pretty cool girl but no you're freaking twisted! All you care about is your appearance like the typical girl." He scuffs "You're no different than anyone else. Fucking we're done." He then walks away from me trying to get past the crowd. I scream hopelessly, "Conner, no please don't leave. Just listen!" And he doesn't turn back. Everyone is forming a crowd around where we were yelling and Callie pushes through it all to yell "Hey, everyone go away! There isn't anything to see here!" She smiles and pulls me back onto my feet and drags me past the crowd and into the closest bathroom where I begin to vomit all over.
