Determinant Choices

Trust • 3

"Aries? What the... I thought you were dead!"

The words rang sharp in my head. Painful and unwelcome memories came blistering to the surface. On the inside, I felt an inhuman pain brewing up inside me, coursing through my veins. An unstoppable feeling. On the outside, I kept my calm. I couldn't cower away from reality. Not anymore, anyway.

--

I stared longingly at that familiar face. I stared at my blood right in the face. His hunting buddy right behind him was onlooking with awe, realizing that there was in fact a bond between myself and Dexter.

"Dex..." I began, "I can explain, brother."

"How could you, Ari?" his voice quivered. I could see his eyes were glazed over.

There, that feeling again. I never feel any remorse for any of my actions, but this was different. Dexter was my younger brother. I felt an instant feeling of guilt wash over me because of what I had done.

I had abandoned Dex.

I had no other choice. The garage we were in was completely overrun with the zombies, we were trapped, no escape route in sight. Dexter was deadweight, no matter if he was blood or not. He had given up all hope of us ever escaping, he was about to embrace death. But believe me, it hurt like hell to pretend I was going to become one of "them" and escape through the infection filled garage door, and emotionally scar Dex in the process. It was all a facade. I don't know how he got out of that cramped garage, but I do see it as a miracle. I carried that secret with me for 6 months while I was partaking in my journey across the country, refusing to feel remorse because it would slow me down and weaken me. I had to save myself.

Call me selfish, but I believe I hold the key to saving humanity from this infection spreading further.  I hold controversial information, and if anyone else were to find out it could possibly wipe humans- and zombies- of the face of the Earth. But no one needs to know that.

--

"No, I don't want to hear it," he interrupted, clearly hurt and refusing to maintain eye contact.

I sighed, feeling defeated. He never did listen to reason.

"Look, if you just listen to what I have to sa-" I attempted.

"No. No, you don't deserve to be listened to," he stuttered bravely. "You left me back there, Ari. You left me there to die."

I gulped. This wasn't going to get any easier, was it? 

I glanced past Dexter's shoulder looking at his buddy behind him, wholly involved in this sitcom drama about a feuding family. He noticed I was staring right through him and quickly fixed his gaze upon his cooked meal. You could see the visible red colour splash upon his cheeks.

"Dexter, I had no choice. Believe me!" I reasoned, "I was going to come back for you, I swear."

He scoffed. I took offense to that, actually. He was calling my bluff.

"Keyword, Aries: was," he shifted his arms to fold them, showing his disgust. "For all you knew, I was dead, but did you even care?"

I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

What the hell was happening to the reasonable, unforgiving and hard-headed Aries that was created since all hell broke loose?

You could see the pain he held all those months in his glossy, green eyes. The same as our late mother, beautifully captivating, deep and emerald. That's the only thing we really ever had in common. But his eyes looked different this time, it looked like he was hiding a lot of suppressed feelings behind them, as well as hiding something else. I was dumbfounded by my sisterly instincts, what was he hiding?

--

I shifted my tatty denim jacket absentmindedly, quite embarrassed. 

He sighed loudly, looking over my shoulder.

"You should come in, I hear the zombies coming, and at this time of night is when they're at their most powerful and dangerous." a hushed voice said, breaking the awkward silence between brother and sister.

"Hawk is right," Dex forcefully stated. "Surely you must know how the darkness makes them increasingly volatile."

I nodded in agreement and slight appreciation and walked inside the cabin. Dexter carefully shut the door and lingered by it for a while, probably contemplating what had just went down a few moments beforehand. He placed his balled fist upon the timber, silently cursing at himself.

"Well hey there, stranger," greeted Hawk.

"Sorry for all of that, I guess," I shook my head. "Nice meeting you... Hawk?"

He chuckled softly at my quizzical look on my face, eyebrows raised and all.

"Yeah, that's right!" he said, amused. "They call me Hawk because I have an eye like one- good at sniping, so I am!"

He winked at me, I shivered on the inside. God, let me leave already...

"Actually, Hawk, they call you Hawk because you're near balding..." Dexter quipped, nonchalantly.

Hawk became bashful. I smiled on the inside at this, I suppose we have a lot more in common than I gave him credit for. Maybe he became a bit more emotionally withdrawn because of the 'death' of his sister. I decided not to dwell on it.

"You made your point, Dexter... but you can't deny I'm a pretty good shot!"

"Man, you couldn't even shoot me now and I'm standing right in front of you!"

"Oh yeah? Wanna test that there theory of yours?"

They laughed. And kept on laughing. I had to feign a small smile, just to even feel a small bit included. This felt the same as it was back in my socially awkward wallflower days. I pondered for a few moments on my old life. Being the social recluse I was, I don't feel like I really missed out on anything back before everything changed, I was content with the way I was.

"Here, have some. You look like you haven't eaten in a good 2 months!"

I look up to Hawk handing me a tin can, with Dexter behind him holding a dark, fixed gaze upon me. Probably thinking about how I actually did make it out unscathed. He wasn't wrong, I was starving. I stared at my own close-resembling skeletal figure, realizing I really wasn't taking good care of myself lately.

"Thanks..." I said, as affable as possible. Once again, feigning a small smile, as alien as it felt.

I unexpectedly felt... happy. For the first time in a long time. I shuffled from my position sitting on the ground and accidentally made eye contact with Dexter yet again. His expression softened, his eyebrows no longer furrowed and gazed at me in almost awe, as well as indescribable sibling bond formed yet again. He had finally found the thing that made him feel so lost for those 6 months- me.