Stiles’ Pov
Do you know what it feels like? Being unable to do anything right when it comes to saving your friends life? Scott told me that’s not true. He told me I’m needed, but I don’t actually believe that.
I don’t have the crazy werewolf powers. I’m not able to find someone by smell, sense their feelings, hear them talking far away or have the unnatural strength and I’m not an hunter either. I’m completely useless, only fucking everything up.
I know that’s true eventhough they say it’s not. Derek tells me all the time pretty much. At first I never understood why the guy hated me so much, but now I do. I’m always in everyones way and people die because of that. He has all reason to dislike me and so have the others.
I sigh softly and close my books when the loud sound of the bell bursts through the schoolbuilding. Luckily this was my last period. I’ve been wanting to go home from the point I left home. I barely sleep lately and stand up as tired as I felt before I went to bed. Nightmares haunt me through the night untill I’m simply too afraid to sleep anymore.
Pushing my stuff into my bag, I closed it up and swung it over my shoulder, making my way to the hall, passing my locker because it’s empty anyways. I have no idea how the others do it. Just acting and feeling all normal after everything that happend. They almost acted like nothing happend at all.
Walking to my car I put on of my earphones in, reminding me how I used to listen to music non-stop before and now barely even dare to turn it too hard scared I won’t hear my Phone ringing and miss a call which could get one of my friends dead. Yeah, it’s that worse.
Passing a view cars I notice Derek leaning against my car and sigh. Great. This guy.. We never really liked eachother. Or well, I’ve never had something against him, he just scares the hell out of me and never has something positive to mention about me so..
“Where’s Scott?” He asked as I sigh. “Ever heard of greeting?” I huff, not really in for letting him walk all over me like normally. “I asked you were Scott is.” He repeated himself. I look up in his eyes for just a second, but then look away. I don’t like the way he looks at me. Pretty much like he’s ready to seperate my head from my body. “I don’t know.” I answer, opening the door as I get in the drivers seat. I truly don’t know, but it appears he doesn’t believe me, because suddenly there’s a tight grip on both of my shoulders making me gasp as he drags me out again and pushing me harshly with my back against the car. A sharp whince leaves my lips as I look up at him.
“Where is Scott?” He asked, once again. His facial expression made me shiver as he tightened his grip even more. “Derek you’re hurting me..” I whimpered, but he didn’t let go off me. I have to be honest I didn’t expect him to release me, but it was worth the try. “Not untill you answer me.” “I told you I don’t know!” “As useless as always.” Derek huffed, pushing me back into my car rather roughly as I ended up hitting my head.
When I opened my eyes he was already walking off into the direction of the school. I slowly closed the door and turned he key as my car came to life. He was right. I am pretty useless, but I know, so what’s the deal telling me all te time?
Stiles, you’re stupid. Stiles, cut out your bullshit. Stiles, everyone would be better off without you. The thing is I know. I know about all of that. I just don’t like hearing and hearing it over again because it actually hurts.
I’m completely fine with Derek disliking me, but does he really have to makei it that obvious all the time? When does he barely ever help someone? Right, never. Unless he has advantage of it. I don’t even want someone like that to like me, I simply want him to leave me alone.
Driving through the streets I reach my house rather fast only to realize I have been driving on full speed too late. Thank God no one saw me. I step out of the car, sun burning onto my skin, yet the soft cold breeze made the hot weather bearable. Eventhough the weather is nice I know I’ll spend he rest of the day in my room, doing the things I used to do before Scott got bitten and turned into a werewolf followed by all the shit happening.
I used to draw alot, sing a bit, just things to kill time and eventhough I thought of them as rather boring right now I can’t wait to just sit down behind my desk and draw something because it makes me feel like a normal teenager again. Even if it is for just a short time, it’s worth it.
After entering the house I stumble upstairs straight away. My shoulders still hurt and I really start to wonder if Derek could have hold me any tighter. I try to ignore it and throw my bag on the bed, settle down behind my desk as I open my drawer which is filled up with pencils I haven’t used for months. I smile weakly and simply grab a grey one and ended up drawing a necklace in perfect detail as I smiled weakly. It made me feel happy in someway.
I got myself into studying for my history test after drawing. It appeared Beacon Hills was safe for now, but it probably wouldn’t take long for danger to show up again, so perhaps I could use the break trying to get better grades, considering they had dropped quite a bit.
Dad luckily isn’t mad at me. I’m glad he knows what’s truly going on in some way. It prevents me from alot of trouble really.
I undress and look in the mirror. My shoulders are completely bruised and I’m actually pretty shocked seeing how deep dark coloured they are. Well, atleast I have some color on my pale skin now. People claim I’m a walking zombie anyways.
I kick my shoes aside and step into the cabine, turning the water on, making sure the tempature is fine before I step under it, sighing relaxed. I wash my hair, clean my body and remain under the stream of water for a little bit longer untill I step out, grabbing a clean towel to dry myself with as I face myself in the mirror, glancing down short after.
I can’t even look at myself without this feeling falling over me. The feeling of being worthless and not being needed. Before I know I’m crying. This is exactly what I mean. Boys aren’t suppossed to just start crying are they? Not when it’s about something that’s their own fault.
I whimper and walk into my bedroom again, dressing up in a sweatpants and Socks about to pull on an oversized t-shirt when I hear someone knock on my window. I rub my eyes and try to stop crying before I turn expecting to face Scott, but in fact, I see Derek behind the window. I don’t feel like letting him in, but I do say anyways. He will probably break the window if I don’t open up.
I walk away from the window straight away, honestly scared he’d hurt me again. “What do you want?” I asked, really not in for talking right now. “Are you okay?” He asked, making me frown. “Look I wanted t-“ “I don’t care what you want.” Alright, I probably shouldn’t be talking to him this way if I don’t want to get hurt, but I really just want him out of my bedroom right now, push him back through the window with the purpose he doesn’t end up falling onto the roof but onto the ground.
Derek seemed rather suprised by me being harsh though. I’m actually suprised as well. Right now I just want to be alone and for once he will just have to accept it.
“You’ve been crying..” He mentioned and why would he? It’s not like he actually gives a damn. “So?” I sniffled. “Why are you crying?” “Why do you want to know?” He shrugged weakly and something told me he didn’t exactly know himslf either.
“It’s not important.” I huffed. “Just leave.” He gave in now, nodding slowly as he climbed through the window again. I shut it straight after and couldn’t help it but wonder what he came over for.
