Platonic Heartbreak

Pars Una

...

She lays on her bed staring into the mysterious abyss that lay outside her window—nothing. She doesn't know what to do since sleep hasn't overcome her yet. So she just stares blankly into the darkness on the other side of the glass that separates her from the rest of the world.

Even though she can't see anything, she imagines shapes shifting in the covers of the black blanket of night. She imagines the bare and naked tree branches swaying in the wind. She imagines an animal—maybe a coyote or a squirrel or a rabbit—walking through her back yard, concealed in a comforting shade.

Most nights she would be muffling her cries in a pillow, or overthinking her entire life until she crashed her brain into a wall, or just stare blankly at the black ceiling above her as silent tears fell down her face. But on nights like this, where she had no emotions to give to the world, she would just try to remember what happiness felt like. She was never happy and never felt like she belonged, until she imagined herself anywhere else but where she was.

Tonight, she pictures herself lost deep inside a thick forest. The sun pours through the branches and spills over the leaves, showering her in warmth and makes her skin glow. Her bare feet walk across the damp soil, and the breeze flows through the hairs on her arms and runs across her skin. She walks under the protection of the trees; they guard her, as if with their life. She dances through the breeze, the sunlight streaming through her closed eyelids. Not a care in the world. Not a care in her mind. A placid song plays inside her head as she tumbles through the sunshine, deeper into the forest.

Although there may be a black canvas in front of her eyes, her mind is painted with the endless colors of tonight's fantasy. And it's beautiful.

However, everything good must come to an end. Her mind slips back to reality for barely a second, but that's all it takes. The towering trees and golden sunlight shatter behind her eyes and cascade to the ground beneath her, leaving her, with yet again, nothing.

She is left alone with her thoughts.

Tonight's black abyss has taken her back to her painful memories that she wishes she couldn't remember.

The memories flash across her eyes, one by one, by one by one. She sees each one clearly, remembering every detail, as if it happened hours ago, minutes ago, seconds ago. As if it was happening right now. Each face of each person who has become a face of the past flash across her memory. Each face bringing back each feeling she felt for each person. Before they all left, and after they all left. She feels all of it. Always. Especially on nights like this. Especially tonight.