Ever Since New York

Chapter 5

V

By the time I reached my home, I'd already gone through four steps of grief.

I had denied ever being so stupid as to fall for Wes's crap.

I had felt guilt and pain at being played because it had been my fault after all. Had I not been so smitten with him, I'd have not had accepted a ride from him.

I had felt anger because I was an idiotic, senseless person of incomparable calibre. Why did I ever think he'd like me? Who was I in his universe other than just a face he saw once in a while in the hallway for four years? I was also angry at them for thinking I could be bought.

Then I felt depressed. I was hurting and I didn't want to tell anyone because it probably wouldn't matter in a couple of days. The pain would pass, I knew that, but what hurt me was the fact that I was in pain.

I hadn't even known the guy, and I was crying after him like a pathetic loser.

I ran most of the way, and stopped when my feet hurt. My bag was still in Wes's car but I didn't care. I just wanted to get home. I wanted a nice shower, and some food in my stomach and then I might be able to forget it.

It was already dark by the time I reached home. The lights were off and there was no car in the driveway. The parental unit was still out. And so was my brother. I felt like I hadn't seen him in ages even though I had seen him this morning. He always made me feel better. He was like a nice teddy bear that could talk.

After putting some frozen lasagne in the oven, I went to my bathroom to shower. I wanted to scrub all the dirt, the pain, and the irrationality of my thoughts away. The water was hot, just the way I liked it. I did not peak in the mirror because I knew my eyes would be puffy and red.

About an hour later, I was on my bed in front of my laptop with a plate of lasagne. I turned on my shows. I don't know how long I watched before I fell asleep beside an empty plate.

When I opened my eyes again, there was light flooding my room. As I had forgotten to shut my windows, the room was a tad cold and the curtain weren't drawn. A noise coming from somewhere on my bed forced me to wake up.

I squinted and tried to look around to locate the source of the noise. My hand found my phone, and I picked up.

"Hello?" I croaked, because my voice was always bad in the morning.

"Jesus Christ, woman!" James's voice filled my ear. "Where are you? We are going to be late, and I have to pick Alison up as well!"

"James," I said. "I don't feel well, I think I need to stay home today."

All the thoughts from yesterday came flooding back to me. For a minute I had forgotten about them but they were persistent in their intent to trouble me.

"Ayre?" James's voice was suddenly serious. "Are you alright? Is it a fever?"

"No, just a bad headache."

And a pathetic heartache.

"I'm coming upstairs." With that he hung up.

I groaned and threw my phone away. I didn't want James to come over because I'd have to talk about it, and I didn't want to. I wrapped a blanket around myself even though I was fully clothed and walked downstairs. My father was in the kitchen.

"You aren't ready yet, honey?" he asked while fixing himself a sandwich.

"No, dad. I am staying home today." I informed him and since I rarely took a holiday, he didn't question it. He just nodded. "I'll be back in a second."