Way Back Home

Let Me Know

If there's hellos,
then there's bound to be
goodbyes

"Why?"

At hearing the quiet whimper escape Chaerin's lips, Yoongi exploded.

"It's useless, that's why! For months I did midnight gigs at sketchy bars and got payed barely enough for the subway ride home. Then I went into those underground clubs and sat in a room with a bunch of other wannabe rappers and I performed for people who weren't even listening!"

Yoongi stopped and held his tongue, needing a minute to calm down. He was yelling. He hated yelling at Chaerin, she didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of his fury. But he couldn't seem to stop himself today. He took a deep breath and continued in what was hopefully a softer tone.

"Do you know how shitty that is? To pour your heart out and have people turn a deaf ear? I hate that feeling, but it was there after every show I did. And now I don't even have worthless midnight gigs to go to! I just sit in this apartment and revel in my own misery and self pity. But feeling sorry for myself isn't helping anyone, it's just hurting the both of us and I just can't do it anymore." The usually low, soothing hum of Yoongi's voice came out in a gruff, dark tone.

Chae cringed at his outburst. She couldn't recall a time when Yoongi had yelled at her like that. She didn't like it all. It made her feel like the villain, but she wasn't. She hadn't done anything wrong here. Chaerin's chest felt tight and it was getting harder to bring air into her lungs but she couldn't stop her own yells from slipping off her tongue.

"You think you're the only one struggling, Yoongi? No! My ride hasn't exactly been smooth sailing either. At least you get to make your music. Me? I've been turned down by every single talent agency I've applied to. I've been rejected every time I read for a part. I'm getting nowhere, but at least I'm trying—" her voice cracked.

Chaerin squeezed her eyes shut, her shoulders hunched lower and her face turned away from him, a curtain of hair swung down and blocked her from Yoongi's view. He couldn't see the tears leaking from her tired eyes. Chaerin swallowed the lump in her throat and kept speaking, praying to any god out there that Yoongi wouldn't be able to tell she was crying.

"You said it was you and me. We were going to move to Seoul and chase down our dreams together. Me and you. Well I'm still trying here, Yoongi. So don't you dare give up what you love. Don't give up on us." She could hardly choke out the words. She'd never had this much trouble telling someone the truth, especially not her best friend.

Yoongi sighed in frustration. He wanted to tell Chaerin that he'd keep trying, that this wasn't the end of the road for his music dreams. But in truth, he was tired. Tired of not having his songs heard. Tired of singing to an audience of five or six people. Tired of not being able to write a single lyric. Tired of living in this crappy apartment. Tired of feeling completely hopeless. He was tired. And he couldn't do it anymore.

Locking his gaze with hers, Yoongi made sure that Chaerin saw it when his jaw clenched and his head shook from side to side. Chaerin didn't want him to give up, but here he was. This was the end of the road for him, she had to know that.

Chaerin's face steeled. She glared at him with hard eyes. It was those eyes that crinkled cutely whenever she smiled and said "hello" to him in their childhood. It was those eyes that sparkled as she watched the stars with complete and absolute wonder. It was those same eyes that used to light up whenever his fingers hit the keys of that old, brown piano in his grandmother's sitting room. Those eyes now cut through him like daggers.