The Renegade

Chapter 13: Oh, Curses.

    The mutant did something… un-mutant like. It smiled. I never imagined that… thing ever do something like that. Then it did something worse. It chuckled. Then it laughed. Then it erupted in a fit of laughter and giggles. Everyone started lowering their weapons. Then there were chuckles around the room. Along with some well-deserved eye rolls. The mutant tilts his head upwards, also lifting up a camo hat, revealing his blue eyes. This was not a mutant. And I knew that mutants looked like.
    “Terry. Really?”
    “Yes, really.”
    “Uh. Terry?” The words escaped my lips, my voice giving them a confused tone. They were ignored.
    “How did your first solo mission go?”
    “Good, good. Almost died.”
    “Yeah whatever.”
    “Everyone almost dies. On every mission. Plus that’s not really something to boast about.”
    “Yeah, whatever you say.”
    The exchange of words between the squad went on. And I stood. And, despite the busybodies that completely surrounded me, I was alone. With a decaying body still limp in my weary arms. My eyes take the opportunity of the moment to gaze down at the now-dead Riley. Rigor mortis hasn’t set in yet. However, her skin had gotten tight and ashen. Her muscles had already relaxed, which meant that anything that was in her bowels had regrettably been expelled, and left somewhere in the training room. But did anyone care? No, not openly. Her skin had already gotten purple, and looked waxy. I was too afraid to find if they actually were, being too afraid to move my hands away from where they were. Everything else –that shouldn’t be pale, like the toenails, fingernails, and her lips- faded to a sickly pale color. Beside the tips of her fingers and toes, her hands and feet had turned blue. And, finally, her eyes had started the sink into her now unlively skull.
    I felt like I was going to throw up. I can’t believe I was describing a dead body. How long have I been alone? How long have I been thinking?
    I finally lift my head and turn my body to face the rest of the squad -including, the boy who I assumed was Terry, from the unfamiliar name, who had walked over to join them while I was off thinking- and feel automatically disgusted. To be fair, Nikki and Mike and a few others’ mouths weren’t involved in the conversation. Their eyes weren’t even present, instead latching on to things around the training room –each other, the floor, the walls, and me. But they didn’t do anything. They didn’t say anything. Their eyes spoke for them. They said enough. But sometimes actions speak louder than words.
    How could anyone ignore this? How could anyone just forget about this so quickly? If everyone had known Riley for, God knows how long, and disrespected her this much and forgot about her so quickly, then how will I be treated after my passing?
    “Terry, we have a lot to tell you.”
    “Uh guys. I’d love to talk. And trust me I would. I would love to talk. I would love to vent. To let out everything that’s on my heart and mind. To talk until I cried. To talk until my vocal cords become so taught that I physically couldn’t speak anymore. But I don’t think I’m in the appropriate physical and mental state right now to talk. Especially if I’m holding the corpse of my sister.” I spat harshly.
    Terry finally looked over to me. His eyes widen, for obvious reasons, and then look to the source of the upheld body. His questionable look he wore said something about him I couldn’t place. But at this point, I was so infuriated I only half cared about this new arrival. Infuriated. That didn’t even begin to describe what I felt. Which gave me all the right to say my next words.
    “Belle. Belle Yancura. Tact Team. And you’re obviously Terry. Now if we’re done here with our formal introductions, I would like to go lay this body to rest before I lose my fucking mind. But I guess that’s too late for that. You guys obviously don’t care, either. It’s not like you ever did.”
    “Belle. We need you to calm the fuck down.”
    “CALM THE FUCK DOWN?” YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?”
    I hear my own voice gravitate from my body. I heard it get loud. And louder. But that was okay. I was mad. And they needed to know that.
    “I am holding the body of the sister I never knew I had. I am holding a body. I am holding a lifeless piece of something that was once alive. That loved. That lived. This thing that was once full of life, is now full of anything but. Riley was my friend. She was all of our friends. She was a part of our team. And if you guys don’t have respect for the dead… well… don’t worry. I don’t expect respect for the living from any of you. Including myself. And I don’t respect any of you either.”
    “Belle,” Robby says finally. “I’m going to say it one more time. Calm. Down. Let’s think rationally. You’re over reacting. Yes, we’re a team out on the field. But that doesn’t mean that we always have to get along, and agree. And respect every person here.”
    “Yeah. I know. You guys made that clear when you started accusing each other.”
    I start to head for the door when a strong hand yanks me back. I turn to face Mike. He had come so incredibly close that Riley’s body, which was huddled to my chest, nearly touched him. His voice was so low it was barely over a whisper. “Belle. You can’t do this.”
    “Do what?” I whisper back at him harshly. “Be upset? Actually respecting the dead? Unlike you guys are.” I glance over at Terry, and then look around the other concerned members of the squad. “Have a nice conversation. I’m going to go send Riley’s body to the morgue and go tell Jeff that our comrade is dead.” I glance around one more time. No one moved. “Obviously alone.”
    I turn and face the door once again. Mike’s words reverberate across the training room walls. What he said left a few gaping mouths. They was harsh, even for Mike. Even for someone Mike considered a friend. But after this, all considerations would be dropped.
    “Stop being so damn selfish all of the time! You’re not the only one hurting! We all are. I was dating Riley for fuck’s sake. We all are hurt. If you can’t get your head straight then maybe you should just leave. You wanted to do in the first place, right? What ever stopped you?”
    “You. All of you.”
    “Why? You didn’t know us. Why trust complete strangers.”
    “I-I…”
    “‘I-I…’ What Belle? You’re a fucking idiot you know that?”
    I chuckle, “Yeah I do. And besides, I thought you cared about me, Mike.”
    “Maybe I don’t.”
    “Mike stop.”
    He ignored the anonymous warning.
    Then he did it. He said the words I never thought he would say. And I resented him for it.
    “And maybe you should have gotten cancer instead of your brother. That way you would’ve already been dead.”
    I feel my throat tighten. If I said anything more than the words the words I had said, I would have started crying. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I promised Riley I would be happy. So far, I haven’t been following her wishes.
    “Maybe, if I’m not wanted here, then I will leave. Thank you for… opening my eyes.”
    I finally reach the training room doors. I hear a yelp escape Mike’s lips, finally realizing what he had said. “Belle!” He calls out. But I had already made up my mind.
    Because of the body still in my arms, I had to find another way to open the door. I pivot on my heal, closing my eyes, pushing open the door with my back, not having to look at the group.
    I had really broken Riley’s promise. Now, big, watery tears streamed down my face, covering my already dried tear streaks. I hit a button on the side of the training room doors with my elbow, locking the training room door, and preventing them from following me. On the other side of the door, I could hear the Smog Squad screaming at me to open the door and fists pounding against the study, locked door. I press my forehead against the metal and whisper one word.
   
    “Goodbye.”