C H O K I N G

c h a p t e r o n e

   December 23, 2003

      "Excuse me... Excuse me!" I shouted as I shoved past people in the crowded mall. I was five years old. Who in the hell let a five year old wander around a mall aimlessly? My mother did. She trusted me, and thats what got me in so much trouble as a child.

She trusted me... And them old men around her.

     I continued to push through adults, baby strollers, and kids older and younger than me. I stepped on a few toes and occasionally fingers until I got to the front of the line.

Santa... He was right in front of me!

     My heart leaped for joy as he looked down at me and smiled. Of course I knew this wasn't the real Santa, but it sure did feel like it was, so I played along as if it were him It felt nice to have the next best thing...
 
A jolly...

            A drunken...

A nice ...

            A perverted...

Santa Clause...

            Goddamned Pedophile...

   He picked me up and carried me Into the wooden ginger bread house. The inside was decorated with Christmas lights, inflatable reindeers, fake show and even cookies. My eyes wandered the small hut as Santa sat me on his lap and asked, "What do you want for Christmas, little one?". I gave an almost toothless grin and started on my list.
     Had I known that this man was looking at me like a hungry wolf and not yammering on about these toys and things that were never going to make their merry little way into my life... I would've been out of there faster than I could speak out my Christmas list.
      He started by rubbing my back, the small of my back, and finally my bottom. I started to get uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything because... Well because thats Santa. I didn't want to make Santa Clause angry a few days before Christmas. Everyone would hate me!
      He slid me closer to his body as I stuttered out the last of my Christmas list, growing nervous. "Is that all you want?" He asked me in a low, raspy tone. I didn't like that. "I want my mommy." I said silently, as I suspiciously looked up at him. "Oh no, little one. You dont need Mommy. You have Santa Clause right here." He smirked as he started rubbing my tiny thigh. I started whimpering, I knew this was absolutely WRONG. He had gone up my denim skirt that 'He' got me for Christmas last year... I thought he'd recognize it. He slid my undies to the side and started touching my private part. I started to scream and cry. "Let me go! Please! Please! Mommy!"
     Before I could scream another word, Santa had already slapped me to the floor and stood up. He looked down upon me... Like a cigarette butt. The door to the hut swung open and there stood my mother and 2 police officers. They looked at Santa, then at me on the floor, with my undies half off, and a bruise on my cheek.

      Fuck Santa Clause...
Fuck Christmas...