I mentally curse my mama for giving me that name. I hate it, especially when she calls me 'Sika'. My mother is all I have. Since my dad passed away back in 2007, when I was nine years old. He had a really bad temper, I guess you could say.
He killed himself.
I hate him for that. I have to live with that everyday... Thinking that maybe I could've done something, little Masika Rivers could've done something to save her 30 year old, bipolar, alcoholic father... from killing himself. I always think that its my fault that he killed himself... Maybe if I had done better in school or always given him hugs when he needed it, he'd still be here, but he'd be beating on my mama. Flashbacks of that day, continue to appear in my head.
June 2, 2007 S U M M E R
"Sika, baby. Come on! We gotta get home for your cousins graduation party!" My mama yelled from the open car door. I was talking to my friends and reminiscing with them when she had driven up to the front of the school. I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "I'll see you guys next year!" I smiled and hugged each of them. "Bye, Masika" they all waved as I got in the car and disbursed from the small group. "Hey baby, how was your last day?" My mother asked me. Something was wrong. "Mama, what's wrong?" I asked her, as I started to examine her face. She had a black ring around her eye, and scratches all down her neck. Her hair was a mess, thrown on top of her head in a bun and she had tear stains all down her brown cheeks. "Nothing, Masika. Me and your daddy got into a little argument is all. Put your seatbelt on." she assured as she pulled out of the school parking lot. Come to find out, she told my father that he'd better be long gone out the house by the time she got back home. He hit her, for the first time, which is where the black ring came from. When we got to the house, he was definitely long gone... Dead. He had shot himself right in the center of his forehead... In the center of the living room. All I could hear was my mother screaming and crying. "Sika call nine-one-one, baby." She sobbed as she slowly limped over to him and supported his head on her lap. Her sweatpants drenched with his blood.
He was gone.
Ever since that day, nothing was ever the same. But those couple of events out of many, dont really define me. Now I'm not saying that they don't affect me, because they definitely do. I dont have time to keep dwelling in the past. I wish I could get my mama to see life that way, but now she's just bitter all the time. My name is Masika Rivers, I'm 18 years old and about to graduate from high school with a GPA of a 3.8. Not perfect, but its up there. I have one best friend, Gaysia Hampton. She's my back bone. I officially met her in third grade, but we've known of each other our entire lives. Anything we go through, we go through together. This is Gaysia Hampton. ❤
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Enough of the chitchat though. Welcome to the life of Masika Rivers.
