C H O K I N G

c h a p t e r f i v e

     June 2, 2016

A U G U S T'S   H O U S E

    "Whatchu changed for?" He chuckled as he looked me up and down. "Tryna look good for a nigga?"
"Ain't nobody worried about You, August." I laughed and brushed him off. "Honestly, I think a lot of people worry about me, you are definitely half those people all by yourself, Sika." He laughed and nudged me playful as I mugged him. We were sitting in his room watching Poetic Justice. I laid with my elbow propped up while he laid flat on his back.
    "So what happened with your moms? I saw you leave hella mad yesterday." He asked. "She missed graduation yesterday." I said. "Okay, and?" He waited for me to continue. "She was with some guy." I explained. As down bad as she was for doing what she did, I never put my mothers business out there like that. A lot of little girls these days would tell everybody the situation. See thats not everyone's business. Gaysia is my only best friend, thats why I told her. August is my best friend, too, don't get me wrong, but I dont feel comfortable telling his straight up 'my mom missed my graduation for a dick appointment.' That ain't right. "Damn, Sika. Have you talked to her?" He asked me. "Nah, not since yesterday. I was going to speak to her today, and tell her how I felt and about the party, but she ain't even home." I shook my head and scoffed. "fucked up, man." I simply said. I got lost in the ceiling for a second before I felt August basically burning a hole in my face from his stare. I slowly turned to look at him and cringed. "What, August. Oh my goodness." I laughed at looked away. "Masika?" I looked at him and realized that he was serious. "I'm gay." He said seriously. My eyes widened. "Are you serious?!" I asked him.
            
  

Goddammit!

   "Nah, I'm just fuckin' witcha." He started dying with laughter. "Oh my God, August." I playfully pushed his head. "Dont play like that!" I said nervously chuckling. "Why, 'cause you feel for a nigga?" He said cockily. I rolled my eyes and didnt even bother responding because he already knew how I felt. "Yeah, I know you do." he said quietly. "So when you gon stop playing, Masika?" He said sitting up and sitting face to face with me. "August dont-" I started before he cut me off. "I dont want to here about college. We can make it work, Masika." I sighed. "Listen, August. I dont want to have to worry about you relationship wise while I'm at college. Everybody wants a piece of August. I dont have time to be in a relationship and try to make it through college with a bunch of white people that dont even want me there." I rushed out. He was quiet. I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but its what he needed to hear. "I got accepted to Princeton, Aug." I squeaked out. He looked me in my eyes and weakly smiled. "Well... I'm proud of you." he simply said. "August, come on, now." I begged. Talking to him is getting harder and harder every single day. I hear the hurt in his voice, I see the pain in his eyes. "What, Masika? What do you want me to say? I love you, dammit!" He blurted. My heart leaped. He loves me? Shit. "I-I love you. I could never EVER say that about another girl. But, Goddammit, I love you." he explained. My breathe hitched and there was a lump in my throat. Tears started building up in my eyes as we stared at each other. There was silence. Nothing but the low voices of Tupac and Janet on the TV and my shaky breathes. He never looked away... He said those three words... three times with no hesitation. Our faces were just inches apart. It felt like a movie, everything felt surreal. Should I say it back? No, Masika! The last thing you need is love right now. You cannot get attached. Get the hell out of here now. But... "I-I love you too." I Said. I realized what I had just said and scrambled to get out of the house. I couldnt look at him after what I just said. I was going to hurt him... Im not good for him. "Masika, wait! Wait!" I hear him calling out to me, but my feet keep running. Past my house, past the neighborhood corner store and into the park. What the hell did I just do? Masika, what the hell did you just do?! My conscience was furious with me, I could tell. I was overwhelmed with emotions and fell to my knees. I clutched my chest and just let out heart wrenching sobs. What the hell was I gonna do?

Fuck...