there's so much beauty in a storm » k.q + v.f

13| In The Wreckage (final)

-trigger warning-

kellin hadn't slept in days, his blood made up of caffeine more than blood cells as it stood. he couldn't have cared any less, though. it was just what he had to do at this point in time. another one of life's routines.

he wondered thousands of times an hour who would report brendon's absence first. how would they find out kellin did it?

he wouldn't lie. he'd tell them the truth if they asked. he was a murderer. a monster. he was a sick human being.

vic had been waiting for this moment for months. he was so prepared, so ready to give kellin what he wanted. what he needed.

see, vic knew kellin was doomed from the moment his parents split. he had no one and nothing to turn to. no hobby beside death, no job, no intelligence.

vic had only been taking away the last two people grounding him to earth; ryan and brendon. and now he was ready to take him away from all of this pain.

he said no words as he sat at the foot of his bed with something in his hands. kellin didn't look up, thinking this cycle would just continue for weeks to come and vic would be in and out until he got fed up and left him to die.

but that wasn't the case at all this time which became apparent as vic handed him the cloth wrapped object.

"i love you," vic whispered, kellin not having looked at the thing in his lap yet. something was stopping him.

kellin nodded, unwrapping the cloth as something cold touched his fingertips. he felt nothing as he looked down at it. he was still as numb as he was the second his skin touched the water all those days ago.

"i, uh." kellin began. "i talked to god before. just to see. i'm too sick for heaven, i think. a-a monster but i, i tried anyway. i didn't expect a reply i just— i asked questions and i apologised but i didn't..." he stopped for a second, clearing his throat. "i didn't feel sorry. i didn't feel anything."

vic didn't respond. he didn't know what to say, or if he needed to say anything at all. he just held kellin's cold hand.

neither of them remembered a time his hand was warm anymore.

"if we end this, will i feel again?" kellin asked. vic didn't know the answer to that. before, he was certain he couldn't feel, but then he met kellin and he felt love and he felt the warmth and he felt everything he never felt when he was alive. but since kellin had already begun decaying, and in that he was no longer warm, who was to say they would feel the same when he was dead?

it was a risk vic would have to take now, they were too far in to look back. kellin was at so much risk of arrest and of losing himself if he stayed alive.

"you'll lose your conscience. you— you won't feel guilt anymore, my love." he said truthfully. "and we will properly be together, no more stress, okay?"

"promise?" kellin asked shakily, picking up the gun in his lap.

"promise." vic nodded, watching as kellin held the weapon up. he knew he wouldn't have to deal with his parents anymore, he would make their lives easier, too. this was right; it was his only ending. it had been from the start.

both he and vic whispered one last 'i love you' and he put the gun to his temple.

everything was happening at once.

although the gun poised at his head brought a tremble to his hand and a sweat to his forehead, all pointing to the fact that he was terrified and both his logical and literal brain were screaming no, he was also excited to be free and his body never listened to his brain when he was excited. that was most definitely his downfall.

he had been curious about this moment from the age of seven.

everything vic said went unheard and everything kellin saw through blurred vision shaped their demise from the very beginning. they were doomed, perhaps.

even in the split second it took for the bullet to rip through kellin's flesh, he had concluded that he was never meant to have anything consistent, that this was all he could have; and for that reason, for that epiphany, for that conclusion on his life, kellin was not doomed to wander the earth as vic was. instead, he was taken to the only afterlife there was past limbo. a place that could only be described as heaven; although no hell existed to be it's opposite nor the storm to it's calm.

vic waited years in the hopes kellin was just taking a while to pass through and join him again.

he never did.

without a person to stop him feeling lost or make it feel like his heart could still beat, vic's existence became bleak.

i'm afraid there is not much more closure i can give you in the way of vic, he was simply drifting with no purpose. a sad shell of a man that once held a glimmer of hope. unfortunately flames fizzle out.

just as he had begun; in the cemetery mausoleum, waiting for nothing in particular, vic stayed. he knew that this would be the first place kellin would look if he ever came back to him, and that hope would sting him every day his love didn't appear.

perhaps that was good enough to let go of what was and accept that this is sometimes how things must be. vic was no good for kellin. kellin wasn't what vic needed. their story was written this way from the start. whether this is light shining through or darkness prevailing is up to you.

while their story may have been one with an essence of tragedy, there comes a point in ones life where they realise that although the ignorance they possessed once before seemed safer, it's not what they were destined for.

in that moment of realisation, it comes down to the protagonist learning to see that there's so much beauty in a storm if you'll only sit back and appreciate it for what it is; that even in all of its chaos and destruction, there's comfort in ripping the seams.

and that in itself, was a whole new storm to chase.

†

aaaAAAAaAAA holy shit i never finished a book before what are u supposed to say? alright hi its over im sorry

firstly i have so many different conspiracies about this story i have no clue how many people were a figment of kellin's imagination and what was real and what was fake and skgjskekfk.

i hope kellin is okay yikes. i also low key love vic even if he's a bit sinister.

if u have like a desperate question then totally ask but i gotta leave some things up to ur imagination.

cool thANK YOU FOR READING THIS!! i am so thankful that u did honestly because it's a bit weird really (u can blame the amount of la dispute i listened to during writing it)

i will be back to edit it sometime soon i promise.

right good bye!

12.07.17
dd/mm/yy

and hey, if you hate vic but really don't want to then here's a thought;

all he'd seen in his life was suffering, all he'd been shown was violence and judgement. maybe he thought he was saving kellin from a lifetime of that. who knows, maybe he actually was.