Wattmag Issue #13

How Performing Has Shaped My Life

So, for this month's article, I wanted to do something a little different. After all, it is summer, and summer is when you are supposed to rediscover yourself. Therefore, this month, I am getting sentimental and talking about something that has truly shaped the person I am today, which is the fine arts. Specifically performing arts, as I am notoriously horrendous at actual art.

 My performing arts journey began at the tender age of three when my parents enrolled me in ballet classes at the local dance school. They didn't expect me to stick with it, as three-year-olds are very fickle, but I fell in love. I loved the classes, the costumes, the snacks that the teachers would bring, and most of all, I loved performing. And it showed. My parents actually still have videos of me when I was that age dancing and they told me that I was the light on that stage. As I got older I kept up with it and delighted in showing off to my non-dance friends, doing high kicks and acrobatic tricks in front of them. I even once brought all my medals to school and wore them around all day (yes, I was that kid). My dance school was pretty awesome too, and for those of you who dance, you know how important the quality of the school is. So I enjoyed it. 

But then my family moved to a small town on the other side of Canada. Immediately my mother signed me up for dance lessons, and I attempted to settle in. However, even my nine-year-old brain recognized that something was off. At my old dance school, everyone was a big family, and the older girls would always play with us younger ones, we did dances together and went to competitions - but not here. Here, you had your class, not your team, and when I had the audacity to ask "why", the teachers glared at me and gave me some stupid answer about teaching us to cooperate with strangers. There were other issues, such as the fact that nobody took dance seriously, and half of our class spent time working on a routine that was never even performed. So, I switched dance schools the next year. Here is really when dance morphed into something I loved, to something I dreaded. 

The new school was admittedly much better, but I quickly noticed some differences between me and the other girls in my class. We were roughly the same age, in fact, they were a little younger, but they could do everything I had problems with. I realized that my kicks weren't that high, my cartwheels weren't impressive, and that they would always take center stage. But that wasn't the big problem. The problem was that all of the girls seemed to be so much skinnier than I was. Keep in mind, I was not an overweight child, and even if I was, it's not like being skinny is a requirement to dance, but I had begun to notice anyway. This was made worse by the tight leotards that were part of our uniform, and I began wearing a baggy shirt over mine in order to hide my body.

I was eleven.

I didn't last very long at that school either, and by the time I got into junior high, dance was over for me. Despite me dreading dance class and hating the way I looked in a leotard, I missed it. Dance was the biggest part of my identity I had, and to now have it gone, well...that was upsetting. So for seventh grade, I was kind of lost. Not only did I have to deal with making the big adjustment from elementary school to middle school, I didn't have anything to do with my time. So, I tried to get involved in my school choir. That didn't work. Then I tried my church choir. That didn't work out either. I needed something to do, but I didn't know what. Then, I saw the play that my school puts on every year. That is when I decided that theatre was going to be my new thing. I wanted to be just like the students on that stage, bowing and getting standing ovations. So I did it.

Fast forward to grade eight. Auditions for the new musical were announced, and I was one of the first to put my name on the list. When the casting list came out, I was not a featured role. At all. I had one solo line, and it was sung - but I didn't care. I was happy to be in the musical, and finally, I felt like I had a purpose again. And when the curtain went down, I knew that I was completely hooked.

Of course, eighth grade wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. There was a good month where I spent my entire lunch in the girl's bathroom because I felt so alone and abandoned by my friends. But, I had my theatre friends to lean on, even if they didn't really know what was going on with me. They were the best support I could have had. I'm telling you guys, doing a full show in six months really brings high-schoolers together. 

Then there was ninth grade. Ninth grade is a year that I'm not particularly proud of. My body issues reared their ugly heads once again, and I made some choices that I would rather not go into at the moment - but let's just say that it culminated in me fainting in the middle of a very important presentation. My play directors were informed and they told me that if I continued this behavior, I might have to be taken out of the play since I would technically be violating the contract that we all signed at the beginning of the year. This would have been catastrophic, as I was Grace in Annie and the play was in a week. So that moment was when I decided that I could not do anything to jeopardize the one thing that has given me purpose.

Thank goodness there aren't any terrible experiences that came with this year, at least none that are relevant. We did Footloose, and I was once again a prominent part. I made several new friends and people still come up to me to talk about how great it was. Doing those musicals truly has become some of the best memories of my short 16-year long life, and it has taught me to love myself for who I am and focus on my talents rather than my shortcomings. It has taught me how to work with others in a way that school really hasn't. Even dance really helped with my confidence as a child and helped me develop my personality. This is why I really do encourage everyone to at least try a performing art. I know it is hard for a lot of people, but it is incredibly rewarding - and the feeling that you get when the audience applauds for you is a feeling second only to cocaine. But I deeply, deeply, deeply, discourage you from cocaine use. 

Thank you for reading, enjoy your summer, and seriously, don't do cocaine.