Excerpts From A Book I Will Never Write

XLIII

It's been months since I last visited you.

I am so sorry.

There was a time when I would never have given life without you a second thought but I had no choice.

It took me a while to get used to the idea of never seeing you again, never being able to hug you, kiss you, or speak to you.

I made it though.

I have a new boyfriend, I wasn't ready for a while but he waited till I was.

You would have liked him, I think.

I didn't want to at first but everyone told me that's what you have wanted and I know but none of them stopped to think that it wasn't what I wanted.

I wanted you and only you, I wanted you to come back and tell me everything was gonna be okay, I wanted you to appear and say it was just a cruel prank, I wanted you to just come back even if we were just friends because anything would have been better than this. Anything.

I get so mad at myself for forgetting about you and moving on but everyone reassures me that you would have wanted this but I know in my heart you wanted us together too.

I'm so sorry, but I have to move on because I am done feeling like this.

I promise I will never forget you, you'll always be in my heart and I will visit you. One day.

I have to move on.

Because like they say...what's the point of waiting around for a dead man.